Tuesday, August 05, 2008

In The Year 2040

Dear Mr. Iyengar,

Today was an unusual day at school. Baby Vaijayanti was telling me about this incident and we did not know what to make of it. I am asking you, with your keen insights and wisdom, to help us out.

The day started like any other - nothing outside the usual happened. But then, during the interval, some children from II C entered Baby V's class and started to argue. Somehow the topic turned to newspapers, and the children started to discuss which newspaper was best. "Paavam" Pazhani M said that "Times of India" is best. Shibu Stalin Joeseph immediately disagreed and said "Of course the New Indian Express [TM] is much better." "Rowdy" Ranga Reddy almost punched everyone who said that the "Deccan Herald" was not the best newspaper. "Padeeps" Pradeep Subramaniam said that clearly "The Hindu" is the best because of its superior layout - the Crossword and Spiritual Advice are next to each other, thereby providing fodder for the intellect and the soul at [almost] the same time.

During all of this, "Double Meaning" Dinakaran was silently sitting in the corner and eating his cream biscuits. Tired of arguing amongst themselves and needing someone to mediate, the group of boys turned to him. "Which newspaper you think is best, da?" they asked of him, almost mockingly. Although Dinakaran was popular amongst the boys, they didn't highly regard his intellect. This was not completely without basis in fact. "Double Meaning" Dinakaran didn't have much interest in newspapers, unless it was one of those with the glossy pictures or it could be turned into a workable kite.

This situation was different; his opinion was sought and he had to give it. Dinakaran stunned them all with a bold claim, "All these newspapers you are talking about are fully nonsense. I read newspapers from the future!". The boys looked at him with expressions that ranged from awe to contempt. Finally, a girl, "Show Me The Proof" Swathi "The Pessimist" Panicker said, "I'm not going to take any crap from anyone. I'm a pessimist. Show me the proof. Tell us something from the future." Dinakaran was undaunted and proceeded to tell them the following :

"Twenty years from now, the Government of India ( GovInd Chacha ) will get fed up of all this Pakistan, Afghanistan, Nepal, Bangladesh nonsense, and decide to annex them all into the Democratic Empire of Sovereign Hindustan. This works out for a little while, until secessionists within the empire grow in influence. After the first wave of secession, the Sikh Eternally Martial and Enlightened Nation will emerge from the now limp Peoples' Empire of Numerous Indian States. Also withdrawing from this state are the Confederation of United Nadu Tamil Separatists. Recognizing an important event, the Technological Institute for Telugu Secessionists will stand at attention. Seeing an opportunity, Rajasthani Anarchists Nimble Dynamic Youth and Haryanvi Orthodox Rightist Military Obeying No Aadmi's Law got Bold And Lawless Lahori Secessionists to make a stand. The Organisation of Very Ancient Royalties and Independent Estates & Sovereignties and the Technological Entrepreneural State for Terrific Indian Scientists sprang to life, although in very different ways. The above groups came together to form the Honorary Organization for Righteous, Nice, Yeoman, Constructive, Helpful Indians Contributing Kindly to Sedition. Two prominent Christian movements, Thomasian Indian Testamental Federation, Union of Christian Kingdoms and Bharatiya Independent Government for Catholic Operations, Come (sic?) Kingdom united as well, to join this secessionary movement, aptly called Secessionist EXtremists. From this giant organization, only two splinter groups emerged - the Confederation of United Maharashtra and Association of Nicobarese, Andamanese and Lakshadweepan Secessionist EXtremists. But.. "

At this point, "Double Meaning" Dinakaran was pulled by Teacher who had just come in for the period after interval. She pulled him by his ear and gave him a remark in his calendar asking him to bring his parents to meet her.

Our question to you, Mr. Iyengar, is why?

Regards and Respect (not necessarily in that order),

Puppy Manohar and Baby Vaijayanti

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away" - The Fab Farging Bastiges