Ek Onkar

Authors' Note: EK Onkar is a central philosophy of the Sikh Religion. We do not intend to criticise, mock or undermine the neither the religion nor the symbols and spirituality thereof. This post is a product of a random creative outburst, a central theme of the blog. If anyone finds this post offensive. Do inform us, we shall remove it. A reason, though not mandatory, if provided, would be appreciated.

Pup-lick Speaking

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Boys and Girls,

and my fellow canines,

There comes a time in a puppy's life where he (or she) has to stand up, grab the microphone and take center-stage.

My time is now.

Today, for my public speaking debut, I am going to talk about "change".

A wise person before me once said, and I paraphrase "d(change)/dt = 0". For all you calculus illiterates out there, this simply means that change is constant. I have since learned that there are other such constants, including but not limited to Death, Taxes and Australia winning the Cricket World Cup. We, however, are not concerned with these trivial things and we shall concentrate on Change.

In my limited years on this planet, I have seen the word "change" used in many forms. It has been used to refer to small coins that can choke a puppy such as myself, to denote the act of transformation, or as a verb, to transform something. I have also seen it appended to the name "Jackie" on the television and on large, glossy posters on the streets. As a result of this varied usage, you are now looking at a very confused puppy.

Speaking of puppy, who came up with that word? "Puppy"? Why do balding, German men refer to their complicated measuring devices as "puppies"? I fail to see the similarity between a Spectrum Analyzer and a canine. Spectrum Analyzers do not have ears. They do not have noses. They do not urinate on trees. Why, then, are they referred to as "puppies"? Some human behaviour I will never understand. Scratch that - most human behaviour I will never understand.

But back to the topic of this speak, i.e., "Change". Yes, now where was I before I digressed?

"Change" can be of two types - "Loose Change" and "Unwelcome Change" but these are fuzzy distinctions. Sometimes, loose change can be unwelcome change. To illustrate this point, imagine yourself (or your owner, if you are a canine) going to a grocery store. Now, a delicious snack is chosen and its price has been read from the compulsory "MSRP" label. Assuming this MSRP number is odd, usually a slightly larger amount is given to the store owner. Now, in the case of ( unwelcome change = loose change ) the owner will hand back several coins of small denominations, leaving the purchaser no choice but to make faces and put it in his or her pocket / wallet / handbag / purse or pouch. At this point, the coins will jingle every time a movement is made, much to the annoyance of the mover. This is a good example of the fuzziness of change. Many more examples can be found from the India Change Fellowship; we have 1000s of books and audio lectures on this subject.

With this, I end tonight's speech.

I look forward to interacting with you all during the after-speech cocktail party.

Thank you, and Happy No-Pants Day.
Of course, if you are a canine, every day is No Pants Day!

Have a good Evening!

(- Puppy Manohar)

"Tomorrow we can drive around this town and let the cops chase us around" - Gin Blossoms

Don't Let The Killers Get Away

Dear Baby V,

Words fail me - watch the video instead.



Love,

Puppy Manohar

"Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?" - Culture Club / Boy George

PS: For lyrics, go to here.

Cut KP paste

Oh No! Not Again!

Dearest Baby V,

Those darn White Rabbit Boys have done it again!



What is this world coming to?

With concern,

Puppy Manohar.

"Might as well Jump!" - Dave Lee Roth

Cabriolet

So much for Laces

Notso Knotty Brothers,
Laces Family,
Snickers lane,
Shoe Rack.

Dear Twins: SaeelLace and NiLace,

I warn you. Please don't bring me down ever so often. I tie you tightly every now and then, but yet you incessantly untie yourself.

You are twins and brothers. In fact, you share the same body. The same blood, or the lack of it, flows through both of you. Why can't you live together in harmony?

I know one of you is too left and the other one is too right. But after all we are the children of the same Lord, My FOOT. Don't you see that all this leftness and rightness is a mere illusion? Once you extricate yourself from the maya of my shoe, you will realize that it doesn't matter which side you are on and how you stick to it.

Is it your desire to extricate yourself from this bondage? Let me inform you that you are a Shoe lace and it's your karma to form a knot. So do so and GO TO HEAVEN!!!! If not for this, what are you but a mere thread?

This is not to say, that you are good only for my foot:

1) You can be a tourniquet and save someone's life while he is dying from the sting of a venomous lover (a cobra, i.e. metaphor; ah dhang you.).

2) You could be a book mark with one of you kissing a cellotape over the bound bed of a 'Wren and Martin's Grammar for Convent Students', and the other between the pages reminding the reader that he has yet to read a lot. And that he should stop trying to impress his female schoolmates with his fancy grammar.

3) You could be tied between two small sticks to form a pseudo-nunchaku (ref: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nunchaku). You could give great pleasure to boys who have just watched the extremely violent "Enter the dragon" and are hell-bent upon breaking each others' bones. (social sarcasm)

4) You could be called Spiritual Symbol, a 'Kamasutra' or a 'Nadishastra' and score great accolades in the west from western critics who would appreciate anything non-western to show how fucking cool they are. (slander)

5) You could be the weapon that Captain uses to hang his enemies, i.e the "Enemies of India" for they deserve to be hung/ hanged by a lace. You would be legendary in your role as the NiLace and SaeelLace, THE Peoples' Knot.

Or you could be the same old, knot-next-door, lace. The same old bloody, rubbish, good-for-nothing, redundant functionally retarded foot-tie. You excrement! You lousy inanimate waste of human effort! Oh! I should have bought a velcro (or however the heck it is spelt/led)! I could have worn sandals but NO! I had to spend my father's hard-earned money on you and your ridiculously dysfunctional lace! "Awe Awe, Look at me, I am a knight's daughter! Awe! Look at me fine laces. You peasants wear buttons! I wear laces..I have french blood." Now I have to reap what I have sown. I have to live with your despicable, rotten presence on my locomotive appendages. Man! Oh Man! You and your devious designs!

Regards,

The One who can stick you up someones posterior if he/she choses to.