On Mumbai

Dear Baby V,

In light of several discussions that I have read on the internet in the recent past on the status of Mumbai (aka Bombay), I have proposed a simple solution. First, to those who know not to what I allude, a few links to statements made by some random people.

I propose, to put an end to the question of ownership of Mumbai, that it be evacuated of all human residents and be solely populated by canines. This is an effective solution because canines have no geographical constraints on their inter-canine relationships. A dog from Madurai is no more or less likely to mate with a dog from Ludhiana as compared to a dog from Jalandhar.

Also, an added bonus is that such commonly heard laments will come true:

Random uncle : Arre Bombay has really gone to the dogs

Jilted Lover : These females from Bombay are all bitches man.

Angsty Business Man: Man, it's really a dog's life in Mumbai.

The Beatles(™) of Bombay : It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog(™).

Regards,

Puppy Manohar

PS: If links are broken, blame KP

PPS: Don't steal my identity, Baby V.

Book List

A list of books to be read :

"My Father, The Porcupine" by Pablo Industani
"Coconuts, Rassam and Bullockcarts - an Alternate History of Civilization" by Xida Lalvani
"The Engineer Who Bought a Bowl" - Mandy Karmarkar
"Like A Deflated Tire, The World Is Flat" by Ramesh Ramachandran

"Autobiography of a Swine - Memoirs of Jaggi Thackeral" - Juggy Thackeral
"Eureka Surekha - How I Discovered The Love of My Life" - Suresh Mantri
"Jesus, My Mexican Friend" by Rakesh Mehta
"Denouncing American Idolatry and Other Modern Pagan Practices" by James McArthur III

"Pass - A Quizzer's Tale" by Shankar Gnanam
"Agastya to Simran - A Historian's Look at Crosscultural Ties Between the North and South" - CS Ramachander Guha
"Secrets of Chettinad Cuisine" - Sheila Kapoor
"The Parktown Prawn and Other Pests" - Nelson Mandela

"Might is Right - A History of the Left Handed Peoples of the World" - Naeem Hussain
"Icon-o-caste - An Adventure Through the Indian Caste System" - Bipin Banerjee
"Freedom of XXXPression - A Pornographer's Tale" - Karan Jowhaar
"Paani - A photographic journey of Water" - Vaani Thackersay

"Charudatt - India's Harry Potter of the early 5th century BC" - Nilesh Parthasarthy
"Butane and the Beast - How to Properly Cook Wild Game" by Charles Krishnamurthy
"The Violet Cobra" - Kundan Shah
"Ostentation and Obsequity" - Shoma Ray
"Hamara Desh" by George W Busch

"Might and Mockery" - Soma Ray
"Waiting for Godot Part II - She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain" - Shyam Bhagat
"Dead On Arrival - A Complete Anthology of 80's Power Ballads" - S. Sabari
"Porn OK Please - India's Battle with the Multimillion Dollar Porn Industry" - Shirish Khande

"Standing, Not Stairing - A Beginner's Guide to Elevators" - J. Ibrahim
"The Rise of Sexual Hedonism in 21st Century India" - Shobha De
"Hair Care Guide For Men" - Baal Thakre
"When Squirrels Stand Tall" - John McManaman
"Mi Muhammad Ali Jinnah Boltoy" - M.A.Jinnah

"Indian Muslims: Where Have They Gone Wrong?" - Rafiq Zakharia
"Indian Muslims: Whats wrong with them? Rafiq Zakharia - A critical review" - P.C Mahanoblis
also published under the title
"Whats wrong with Rafiq Zakharia" (preface by Rafiq Zakharia)
"Indians are Black People too, (Not Just White)" - Xida Qutan

"Can You Take Me Higher?" - Abhishek Chaturvedi
"Dalit Emancipation - A Vedantic Solution" - Swami Revisionashram
"Man(U) Smriti - The Rise and Fall of Manchester United" - Dr. John Chanderpaul
"A Case For Slavery" - M Sriram

"Fear of the Dark - How Swarthiness Can Be Turned Into A Boon" - Dr. Shivnarain Khuranna
"Youth and Asia - A Study of Population Reduction and Family Planning in Asia" - Dr. Mercy Zhou
"Why I Killed My Tapeworm, The Hilarious Irreverent Tale of an IITian (Kanpur)" - Jatin Bhagat
"Let My Fingers Do The Talking - An Irreverent and Hilarious Tale of a Chat Conversation Gone Wrong" - Bacchi Batliwaala

"The Ghosht And The Daakus - Tales from Rural India" - Anuradha Chatterjee
"Freedom and Batatawada" - Bachchi Jugaria
"B.O.M.B.A.Y" - Jackie Shroff
"Heidi Klum : A Model For Open Soft-Wear (Illustrated)" - John Spacey

"One Day at the Gateway" - Nikhil Ambani, age 10 (TOI Bestsellers no. 2)
"Composition Note Book (now with additional markups by Latha ma'am)" - Ram Shankar (Class 8 C)
"Tukaram and Socialism" - Shankarrao Chauhan
"The Big Bhangra Theory" - Karamjeet Singh Sodhi

"Why We Hindustanis Will Never Succeed...Ever" also published under the name, "Why Turranis and Persians are Better Than Us" - Muhi ud-din Muhammad Aurangzeb Bahadur Alamgir I
"My Experiments With Opiates" - Nur-ud-din Salim Jahangir , Emperor of India
"Clive Owen Might Be a Hero But He Is Nothing In Front Of Me" - Robert Clive, First Governor General of Bengal
"Masti Aur Main" - Atul Biharee Vajpayee
"Fascism for dummies" - Bal Thackeray.
"Learn to be a Maharashtrian in 24 hours" - Raj Thackeray

"India and I" - William Mandible, a random white guy
"Dalit Panthers Are Not Really Leopards At All!" - Dr. Salim Khan, B.N.H.S
"Karl Marx: A Modern Rishi" - Lala Har Dayal
"What Ails George Fernandes" - Laloo Prasad Yadav

"Brahmins, Do We Need Them?" - Adolf Nambudaripad
"You Can Find Me In Da Club : Tales of a Party-hopper" - Farooq Abdullah
"Noam Was Not Built In A Day : The Exercise Regimen of the Strongest MIT Professor of All Time" - Linda Chomsky
"Bevan Lives" - Autobiography of Michael Bevan

Eye Rack

Dear Baby V,

I have come up with a plan to solve the Iraq problem once and for all. What needs to be done in Iraq? Get the occupying forces out of there? Yes. Get lots of dollars in there? Yes. But the question is, how does one ensure that these dollars end up with the Common Iraqi (tm) and not some greedy bastige corporation like Halliburton (tm) or some other equally Evil Corporation (tm)? The answer is very simple - the WTO needs to grant a patent to the Iraqi People(s) for Writing (tm). You see, in ancient times, the peoples of Sumer developed this handy invention called writing, which became a huge hit around the world. It is argued that the Sumerian cuneiform spurred the development of Egyptian hieroglyphics, which in turn gave rise to the Phoenician alphabet, which is considered to be the proto-alphabet for most modern scripts (except Chinese, but don't get me started on those bastiges).

So ya, using the Modern, Civilized practice of issuing patents for ground-breaking, earth-shattering new developments I'm sure we can retroactively grant a patent on Writing (tm) to the Iraqi peoples. I know you may argue and say that the people living in modern-day Iraq are not the descendants of the Sumerians. This does not matter, because in the Modern World, Intellectual Property is something that can be bought and sold. I would argue that by occupying the land of the Sumerians, the modern-day Iraqis have also acquired their Intellectual Property.

Using this rational, civilized method, every time anything is written down, a modest fee is sent to the people of Iraq. This sends out a message that we value innovators, and recognize their right to profit off their ideas. Surely, such an important innovation as Writing (tm) deserves such recognition.

Regards,

Puppy Manohar

PS: No PS actually. Really. KP GFY. That's all.

The Original Inhabitants of The Punjab

Regards,

PM

PS: Their neighbours are the Bhai-bi-lonians

Mathemagically Perfect

Random Confessions of a Confused Mind

Dear Baby Vaijayanti,

I have recently changed. Not by huge degrees, I don't think. Yes, I am guilty of all the terrible things you are about to accuse me of and fully deserve every squishy tomato and rotten egg that comes my way. A chill wind has blown in to town bringing with it confused dreams. In these dreams, I am always at the edge.At the top of a building, the edge of a cliff. Or my bed. My imagination conjures up images which seem so close to reality that I feel like I'm actually living in my dream.

It sometimes seems as if blogging is such a paradoxical activity. In the interests of clarifying my position, I disapprove on principle of banning anything just because it offends someone.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I received an SMS from a good friend that her puppy had died -- her 4-month old puppy that she had just adopted not too long before that. I loathe being inside practically alone and on my own. OH MAN! My blog is so depressing. Like, please, I need to get a life. Life was worth stuff of greater value, of deep philosophy and great research ideas rather than spending an evening celebrating romanticism and specialness full of crap.

They say that if your concepts are clear in your head when you're a child, you'll never forget them, and they will always make sense. When I look back at myself as a child, I can't remember ever having a goal. The times around us are a changing, or they have changed. And we who sit and work in glass houses are not aware of the passing of time in the world outside. So you know how I said, when I come here and gripe about whatever is bothering me, I am able to see it in a lighter vein, well, I'm back for the same therapy again.

Have you ever wondered if your life is determined by the choice you make or are you destined to make that choice? All this enthusiasm about creating a blog, so many thoughts..Now that there is a blog both the thoughts & enthusiasm seem to have vanished. A friend has told me that my blog must have a PURPOSE . It has to be something that I am deeply passionate about and feel for from the bottom of my heart. The only thing tough is to avoid talking about matters of the heart.Where is fun when there is restraint?Did I contradict myself here?

Does it help to know the universe is watching your every move, every bate [farging sic] of the eyelid, every smile and every expression?

Regards,

Puppy Manohar.

PS: I'm sorry. I didn't really write any of this. All of this was written by that uber-blogger-geek who does nothing but sits in his basement all day and churn out fake blogs under pseudonyms (usually female, but sometimes male as well). I think he is trying to attract female attention but, sadly for him, the only people who seem to comment on his blogs are his other pseudobloggerIDs. I merely copy-pasted from his many blogs. I hope this clears a few things up for you. By "a few things", I mean do not ever fall for the charms of a "lady" blogger. It is most likely the same guy.


PPS: "Sending out an SMS" - The Police / Puppy Manohar.

PPPS: For KP: This post was made by copy-pasting from random female blogs. One line from blog 1, one line from blog 2, nth line from blog n. Understand?