Monday, July 21, 2008

An Humble Request


Respected Chairperson of Selectors,
Natural Selection Committee

Dear Sir,

First of all, I would like to commend you and your committee for your service to all living things on Earth (TM). Not a day goes by without our silent gratitude. I hope you have many more days as head of this great organisation.

Your committee's body of work transcends a "best of" compilation. However, I will single out a few of your works as total masterpieces. The most obvious one is the Dinosaur Extinction. Bravo!, sir. This was truly a masterstroke. Please give my congratulations to whomever raised this idea. But to say that this is my favourite work is a bit of a sellout; much like so-called Metallica fans saying that "Nothing Else Matters" is Metallica's best song.

Carnivorous plants! Truly another marvellous job. I haven't yet seen a Venus Flytrap in the wild, but Baby Vaijayanti has shown me diagrams from her Botany textbook. I am truly awed.

But no, that is still not my favourite work of yours. That honour is reserved for whales. Yes, the aquatic megafaunae. It really requires a stroke of brilliance to take life out of the sea, make it evolve into viviparous land-dwelling mammals, and then take them BACK to the sea. I get goosebumps whenever I think of it.

Ma'am, if I have somehow misled you into thinking that this is a fan letter, I apologize. I have an ulterior motive. Over the course of time, you have allowed the species commonly referred to as "domestic dog" to evolve into many different races. Simply put, I am not a fan of this move. It pains me to see that I have to share the "dog" mantle with such obviously inferior races as Chihuahuas, Pomeranians, Poodles and other such lame breeds.

Please do the needful and cause an extinction in those races as soon as possible.

Thank you in advance,

Yours Respectfully,

Puppy Manohar

"Shane Warne : Ricky Ponting :: Bill Clinton : G W Bush" - Myself
"History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man, Godzilla!" - BOC (also Racer X)


gradwolf said...

ROFL...the dogs will leave the earth.

"So long and thanks for all the bones. And the awww cuteness praises"- Douglas Adams Wannabe

narendra shenoy said...

If you ask them hunted ducks
They will say "Evolution sucks"
Their targetability gene exists
Because that's the one the committee plucks
When faced with the arduous task of choosing
That one gene they think won't be losing
In the great game of Life

unpredictable said...

Dear Puppy Manohar,

This is, you know, just for the sake of count++

Warm Regards,
Ms. Tic, Unpredictable.

Idling in Top Gear said...

So "natural selection" is actually done by three Mexicans? Somewhere in the heavens there are some Godly figures going "they took our jaaabs..."

Baby when all your love is gone, who will save me from all i am up against out in this world said...

and the evolution of desi consultants

mammals who lie, thieve and wear ties

and wait!

no, you're wrong
i have dinosaur's blood running in my veins

and someday i will bring back my kin to rule the universe!

Gimme an E
Gimme a V
Gimme a O
Gimme a L

you get it!

"this land is mine, this land is free,
i'll do what i want
but i will do it irresponsibly"
-Pearl Jam

Anonymous said...

the above has to be an KP.
- Baby V
P.S: farging KP.

Space Bar said...

shouldn't that be, A Numble Request?

puppy manohar said...

Dear Sr. Space Bar,

Please don't publicly display your ignorance like this. It is clearly An Humble Request. Kindly don't repeat an mistake like this again.


Puppy Manohar (hic)

Dinosaurs don't cry said...

Stranded here amidst the noise
A wave of joy and sadness fills the room

The judge decided that its his right
to make them wake from the dream of their deaths

The whistle has been blown
save your breath, say no more words
My eyes have said it all

I still remember that summer
And isnt it strange, we're all so far away

I would have stayed
but only if she was here
Then heaven would have to wait

And there would be no leaders then

"One hour from now,
Another species of life form
Will disappear off the face of the planet
Forever...and the rate is accelerating."
- Megadeth

Ms Taggart said...

ROFL!!! Awesome piece!! :)

Waise, I am with you on the poodles, chihuahuas(I dont know if I can ever spell it right!) and the likes .. they cant be called dogs..

g said...

For dinosaurs, well I read a really great book "A short History of Nearly Everything" By Bill Bryson which kind of suggested
( at least thats what I understood) that we (our great great predecessors) called tetrapods were like little ratty wormy things until the dinosaurs died because we were food for them so I also support dinosaur extinction :_)...great blogpost Puppy Manohar