Wednesday, November 09, 2011

I am Food

Is it me or do I see thousands of people with hats and t-shirts that say - "I am food" - मैं अन्न हूँ, around a man who is fasting unto death.

Isn't it strangely ironic?

By the way, there is a fucking 'ण' in Hindi. Like in "आमरण उपोषण" ("Fast unto death")
2 'ण's in that very term.


I just got an email from Dell Computers where they addressed me as "Hey Beautiful" Some corporations seem to take their personhood too seriously. Now I don't mind being complimented by an abstract inanimate organizational entity on my physical beauty but I would prefer if they would substantiate their admiration with stock options.

The Islamic Hijab is quite an excellent head gear choice for balding men. It's cool, progressive and fashionable.

It was said:
Needlessly Patronizing Radio
Nauseously Patrician Rhetoric
Non-Partisan Reprimand
NonPartisan Regards
Needlessly Pandering the Right
Nongovernmental Policy Rationale
Nongovernmental Policy Resonance
Nasal Parrot-like Rants

KP: Dissing on national public radio?
It was said: No, one Mr. Nirav P. Rathod
KP - yaa i heard about him..he was wanted by the police for "Nostagically Pissing Radiation" and yes, the cops did not care about the radiation, but they were pretty pissed about the error in the spelling

It was said - "D00d I just managed to convince a friend that Times Square was first in Los Angeles and then they moved it to New York."

"D00D, if you have ever taken time out to clean someone elses [sic] clock, then u do have a lot of time on your hands" -

Ah, Gaddafi is dead. I remember the days when we were kids, Uncle Gaddafi would summon all the neighbourhood kids to the court, the Badminton court and teach us the perfect way of playing badminton.

He used to insist on a long warm up session, stretching and running. "Stamina!", he said, "Stamina! my friend is the most important thing in the art of Painting" and we would be confused why he was talking about painting when he was teaching us Badminton.

And now he is no more....

I think I might have confused the murdered Libyan dictator and international criminal, Colonel Gaddafi with an uncle from Malleshwaram, Bangalore.

News on Ravi Shankar's website:

"February 22, 2011. Ravi Shankar's younger daughter Anoushka Shankar gave birth to a healthy boy, Zubin Shankar Wright. Both, the father and the mother are doing well."

Father? Who cares about the father after childbirth?

Can the characters of Jim and Pam in the NBC show, "The Office" somehow be terminated? I am not saying that has be by means of a gruesome double homicide, horrendous accident or random office shootout (that is for you to say) They can however go for a long long vacation somewhere to the geographically antipodal place to Scranton, PA? Is a terrible divorce between the characters or downsizing in these times of high unemployment too much to ask for?

Been singing the Heart song, "Magic Man" all day long. Except that I am making it politically correct by replacing every instance of "man" with "person", "mama" with "parent" and "he" with "he/she". Also singing it in a very strong Indian accent replete with retroflexes and V/W ambiguity. Why, you ask? Cos that's how I freakin roll mofo.

When I first came to America ...

When I first came to America, I thought that every city had a very skewed street which intersects with other streets every few blocks and for some racist reason they name this street after a Chinese diplomat called "Ped Xing"- the Ped Xing street.

I observed that people "jaywalked" on this Ped Xing street and occasionally it had a zebra crossing along itself rather than across it. I went to Chinatown and there was no Ped Xing street there. Surely, I thought, these Sinophobes hate this guy - Ped Xing - out here in America.

I asked a Chinese American what it means in Chinese. He said to me, "First of all I am not Chinese, I am white and secondly, it means Pedestrian Crossing" and I said to myself - "Wow! even white people are made in China these days. Surely they are taking over"

When I first came to America, whenever the clerk at the grocery store asked me - "Debit or Credit ?", I thought I had the choice of crediting the amount to my account. I always opted for 'Credit'.

Indology vs Urology

UCLA, in this day and age, has a Philip Roth School of Indology
where researchers, mostly people of European origin, study the culture, history and languages of the Indian subcontinent.

To allay suspicions of having a euro-centric, orientalist worldview reminiscent of the racist, colonial 19th century,
the University decided to build, right next to The Stanley Wolpert School of Indology, the Sanjay Gupta Department of Urology,
where physicians, mostly people of Indian origin, study the human urinary tract.

This prompted critics, mostly people of British origin, to wonder if UCLA was 'taking a piss'.

Now, this entire story is NOT TRUE. But what is true is what it tells us about UCLA.

Wisdom II

Part II of Wisdom

"Religion is the opium of the people" Except perhaps in Afghanistan . In Afghanistan, Opium is the opium of the people, being - as it is - the biggest producer of Opium in the world.

"Pot calling the Kettle black" Now, I am not sure if, to me as a person of color, the primary problem with the Pot's criticism of the Kettle is - its hypocrisy.

1000 monkeys typing for 1000 years may not generate Shakespeare, but at least we may get the screenplay for Transformers 4

All roads lead to Rome. If you are in Rome though, you are kind of fucked.

I read a quarter page ad in a daily with a very high circulation that said - "Penis mighter than sword" an ad for a sexual enhancement product.

I recently learned that "A good man is hard to find" is a legitimate proverb. That is by far the worst coined proved I have heard of. Why not have proverbs that go - "One should not procrastinate" or "Be satisfied with what you have" and not bother getting in to figurative language.
Since when did explicit commonplace whining become proverbs? 1918 apparently. Thats when.

"Accidents will happen" it seems that's a proverb
"Meaning: The meaning of this proverb is self evident" Well then its not much of a proverb, is it?

"Love thy neighbour [sic] thyself" but make sure gloves are okay.

"Speak softly and carry a big stick". Its not good advice to give to people who are entrusted with the job of riding cattle-drawn carriages
I don't think cattle respond well to softly spoken words

Marry in haste, repent at leisure and make up with dumb proverbs and anti-woman jokes.

Many a true word is spoken in jest. The rest are spoken in all seriousness and in archaic language. I am just kidding!

The sixth sheikh's sixth sheep is sick. Why does a sheikh have a sheep? Sheep aren't meant to live in the hot climes of arabia.
But may be the sheik is a Palestinian refuguee living in Australia, in which case I wonder why he is not sick.
or may be he is and he gave the sheep the sickness. Is monitoring these delinquent immigrant sheikhs [racism alert!] and their flocks?. No wonder it is sick.
Or maybe the sheep is just sick of the sheikh. May be its seeking citizensheep.

Early bird that catches the worm. Ring worm. Never reach early.

All's well that ends well. That kind of redefinition of wellness is almost tautologous.

Strike while the iron is hot. Strike the iron, that is not something else. For there is no point otherwise in waiting or heating.

Strike while the iron is hot. What did the working class do before the invention of the electric iron?