Monday, February 25, 2008

Random Confessions of a Confused Mind

Dear Baby Vaijayanti,

I have recently changed. Not by huge degrees, I don't think. Yes, I am guilty of all the terrible things you are about to accuse me of and fully deserve every squishy tomato and rotten egg that comes my way. A chill wind has blown in to town bringing with it confused dreams. In these dreams, I am always at the edge.At the top of a building, the edge of a cliff. Or my bed. My imagination conjures up images which seem so close to reality that I feel like I'm actually living in my dream.

It sometimes seems as if blogging is such a paradoxical activity. In the interests of clarifying my position, I disapprove on principle of banning anything just because it offends someone.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I received an SMS from a good friend that her puppy had died -- her 4-month old puppy that she had just adopted not too long before that. I loathe being inside practically alone and on my own. OH MAN! My blog is so depressing. Like, please, I need to get a life. Life was worth stuff of greater value, of deep philosophy and great research ideas rather than spending an evening celebrating romanticism and specialness full of crap.

They say that if your concepts are clear in your head when you're a child, you'll never forget them, and they will always make sense. When I look back at myself as a child, I can't remember ever having a goal. The times around us are a changing, or they have changed. And we who sit and work in glass houses are not aware of the passing of time in the world outside. So you know how I said, when I come here and gripe about whatever is bothering me, I am able to see it in a lighter vein, well, I'm back for the same therapy again.

Have you ever wondered if your life is determined by the choice you make or are you destined to make that choice? All this enthusiasm about creating a blog, so many thoughts..Now that there is a blog both the thoughts & enthusiasm seem to have vanished. A friend has told me that my blog must have a PURPOSE . It has to be something that I am deeply passionate about and feel for from the bottom of my heart. The only thing tough is to avoid talking about matters of the heart.Where is fun when there is restraint?Did I contradict myself here?

Does it help to know the universe is watching your every move, every bate [farging sic] of the eyelid, every smile and every expression?


Puppy Manohar.

PS: I'm sorry. I didn't really write any of this. All of this was written by that uber-blogger-geek who does nothing but sits in his basement all day and churn out fake blogs under pseudonyms (usually female, but sometimes male as well). I think he is trying to attract female attention but, sadly for him, the only people who seem to comment on his blogs are his other pseudobloggerIDs. I merely copy-pasted from his many blogs. I hope this clears a few things up for you. By "a few things", I mean do not ever fall for the charms of a "lady" blogger. It is most likely the same guy.

PPS: "Sending out an SMS" - The Police / Puppy Manohar.

PPPS: For KP: This post was made by copy-pasting from random female blogs. One line from blog 1, one line from blog 2, nth line from blog n. Understand?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

In Foreign

In foreign, everything is better.
In foreign, people have good civic sense.

In foreign, beggars have cars.
In foreign, auto drivers wear suit and tie.
In foreign, everyone speaks fluent English.
In foreign, roads don't have potholes (like every bloody road here).
In foreign, there is no corruption.

In foreign, politicians don't tell lies and cheat people.
In foreign, at least if there is corruption, it doesn't affect the common man.
In foreign, everyone has a/c car.
In foreign, people are honest and courteous.
In foreign, everyone is treated with respect.

In foreign, people don't stare and gather around film shootings like Indians do.
In foreign, if they find a person is corrupt, he is gone.
In foreign, everything is better quality.
In foreign, people don't shout. Ever.
In foreign, a lot of people use clothes once and throw them away.

In foreign, no one uses Made in India things.
In foreign, people are sober, they don't dance around like hooligans at cricket matches. They just mildly clap and applaud. They are decent.
In foreign, there are robots for everything.
In foreign, everything is so clean, no need of domestic help.

In foreign, scientists are already thinking of making human beings.
In foreign, everyone lives in bungalows.
In foreign, they don't fight over religion.
In foreign, politicians never use religion to win elections.
In foreign, they don't fight. They shake hands and agree.

In foreign, politicians don't read their speeches, they write their own speeches and learn them. Unlike Indian politicians who read what their PA writes.
In foreign, everyone is fair.
In foreign, even Indians are respected.
In foreign, all trains are Bullet Trains. So fast, you can't see them only.

In foreign, people have sex on the street and yet no body stares.
In foreign, if a good looking girl passes by, people don't stare at her like they do in India.
In foreign girls can walk naked and it's ok.
In foreign, they don't give undue importance to their film stars or sportsmen like they do here. They are only treated as professionals like anyone else.

In foreign, beaches are so clean that you can see through the water.
In foreign, if someone litters, immediately he is arrested.
In foreign, no body spits on the street.
In foreign, people drink but they never get drunk.
In foreign, internet is so fast, you can download full movies in seconds.

In foreign, there are no slums.
In foreign, there are no poor people.
In foreign, there are no hawkers.
In foreign, everything is sold from a/c shops.
In foreign, shopping complexes are so big, people have gone in and never found their way out.
In foreign, police officers are well built and healthy and they respect you. (from their heart)

In foreign, toilets never stink.
In foreign, everyone goes to the gym regularly.
In foreign, a garbage collector is as respected as a CEO of a company.
In foreign, children don't need to wear uniforms and can wear fancy shoes to school.
In foreign, children can not calculate 2+3 without using a calculator. Every child has a calculator.

In foreign, teachers don't beat children. Nor do parents.
In foreign, if anyone beats children, they are arrested and put in jail.
In foreign, there is no traffic jam, because all roads have 8 lanes.
In foreign, if you call 100, the police are at your doorstep immediately.

In foreign, doctors are so good that no one ever dies in the hospitals.
In foreign, all medicines taste like ice cream.
In foreign, some people take one capsule and that's it, their meals for the whole day are done.
In foreign, everyone has their own room, where parents never interfere.
In foreign, in their own room, kids have TV computer internet. Everything.
In foreign, no body fails in school.

In foreign, most people don't go to college, because 10th std. students know more than Indian scientists.
In foreign, there is no board exam.
In foreign, children can ask teacher if they can go to bathroom, and teachers allow them also.
In foreign, everyone has had sex by the time they are 12.
In foreign, people follow their hobbies passionately.

In foreign, they have 2 lives, personal life and professional life. They never mix it like they do here.
In foreign, even 12 yr old kids make money. Probably more than adults make over here.
In foreign, everyone is dedicated and sincere about their work.
In foreign, if you lose your bag somewhere, no body will pick it. If you tell police, they will find it for you.
In foreign there are no petty thieves.

In foreign if you ask a child "Where does milk come from?", they will say "supermarket".
In foreign, everyone finds time to do adventure sports.
In foreign, water from tap is 100% pure.
In foreign, parents kiss in front of the children.

In foreign, there is no such thing as domestic violence.
In foreign, since every woman is trained in martial arts, their husbands will never dare hit them.
In foreign, people sleep around with anyone all the time.


Baby V and Puppy M

NP: "Jukebox hero"

Monday, February 11, 2008

A New Paradigm

[click to enlarge]


Puppy Manohar

NP - "Paradigm Shift" - Liquid Tension Experiment

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

KPTal Letters

To whom it may concern,

Please revel in the glory of El KPtan (alias KP). These are his last 15 gtalk status messages.


Baby V and Puppy M

"Ya dood that's what" - El KPtan alias KP

Vu is a common chinese last name and if i was a Vu, i

would name my son Deja and when he would introduce

himself to people, they would say that they have met him before.

Enesis: The end of the beginning

I never asked if i was invited

I just said that i am not leaving here without you

My belt is loose and so are my pants.

What more do you want out of me?

I am going for a drive to Hell. Here are my car keys.

You can drive. I am going to sleep in the backseat

No matter how many boyfriends she has had, she will always

be my ex girlfriend. Ex girlfriends are forever.

Diamonds eventually rust.

I dont like falling "back to square 1".There are so many

other shapes to choose from. I'd like to fall in a trapezium. At

least it looks like a house. I'll install a bed in a

shape of 2 parabolas which are joined by their open ends, ellipsoidal

pillows, a rhombus shaped bath tub, a rectangular fish pond,

and hexagonal windows. On my birthday,

i will light candles randomly generated by the game Tetris.

My ex girlfriend has a new boy friend now. On his

birthday i bought him a gas pump and i installed an

ipod in the gas pump. The machine is called iGAS. She

broke up with him as soon she saw it.

Whenever i enter Starbucks and i see all the different kind of

coffees like Cappuchino, Mochachino, Frappachino, i like to say

to the coffee "Just be yourself dude!Why do you have to

behave like that?"

There is a 80 % chance that i will spill my coffee during an

ongoing meeting and hence as a result a 20 % chance

that i would doze off. Actually the dozing off part

happens all the time.

My friend Nick feels bad that his "nick"name and his

real names are one and the same. So i gave him one :"Dick"

People think i am an apathetic person. I just tell them

"Well since you are not, you're pathetic

Your ex girlfriend facebooked me last night…from my place.

You guess the rest.

An apple a day , keeps a window away

My dad's name is Rashmi and my mum's name is Raju

and we all live in a "building" called Patel "Bungalow".

Its a 3 storeyed building. We stay on the 1st floor.

The guys staying on the ground floor are Thakkars.