Tuesday, August 05, 2008

In The Year 2040

Dear Mr. Iyengar,

Today was an unusual day at school. Baby Vaijayanti was telling me about this incident and we did not know what to make of it. I am asking you, with your keen insights and wisdom, to help us out.

The day started like any other - nothing outside the usual happened. But then, during the interval, some children from II C entered Baby V's class and started to argue. Somehow the topic turned to newspapers, and the children started to discuss which newspaper was best. "Paavam" Pazhani M said that "Times of India" is best. Shibu Stalin Joeseph immediately disagreed and said "Of course the New Indian Express [TM] is much better." "Rowdy" Ranga Reddy almost punched everyone who said that the "Deccan Herald" was not the best newspaper. "Padeeps" Pradeep Subramaniam said that clearly "The Hindu" is the best because of its superior layout - the Crossword and Spiritual Advice are next to each other, thereby providing fodder for the intellect and the soul at [almost] the same time.

During all of this, "Double Meaning" Dinakaran was silently sitting in the corner and eating his cream biscuits. Tired of arguing amongst themselves and needing someone to mediate, the group of boys turned to him. "Which newspaper you think is best, da?" they asked of him, almost mockingly. Although Dinakaran was popular amongst the boys, they didn't highly regard his intellect. This was not completely without basis in fact. "Double Meaning" Dinakaran didn't have much interest in newspapers, unless it was one of those with the glossy pictures or it could be turned into a workable kite.

This situation was different; his opinion was sought and he had to give it. Dinakaran stunned them all with a bold claim, "All these newspapers you are talking about are fully nonsense. I read newspapers from the future!". The boys looked at him with expressions that ranged from awe to contempt. Finally, a girl, "Show Me The Proof" Swathi "The Pessimist" Panicker said, "I'm not going to take any crap from anyone. I'm a pessimist. Show me the proof. Tell us something from the future." Dinakaran was undaunted and proceeded to tell them the following :

"Twenty years from now, the Government of India ( GovInd Chacha ) will get fed up of all this Pakistan, Afghanistan, Nepal, Bangladesh nonsense, and decide to annex them all into the Democratic Empire of Sovereign Hindustan. This works out for a little while, until secessionists within the empire grow in influence. After the first wave of secession, the Sikh Eternally Martial and Enlightened Nation will emerge from the now limp Peoples' Empire of Numerous Indian States. Also withdrawing from this state are the Confederation of United Nadu Tamil Separatists. Recognizing an important event, the Technological Institute for Telugu Secessionists will stand at attention. Seeing an opportunity, Rajasthani Anarchists Nimble Dynamic Youth and Haryanvi Orthodox Rightist Military Obeying No Aadmi's Law got Bold And Lawless Lahori Secessionists to make a stand. The Organisation of Very Ancient Royalties and Independent Estates & Sovereignties and the Technological Entrepreneural State for Terrific Indian Scientists sprang to life, although in very different ways. The above groups came together to form the Honorary Organization for Righteous, Nice, Yeoman, Constructive, Helpful Indians Contributing Kindly to Sedition. Two prominent Christian movements, Thomasian Indian Testamental Federation, Union of Christian Kingdoms and Bharatiya Independent Government for Catholic Operations, Come (sic?) Kingdom united as well, to join this secessionary movement, aptly called Secessionist EXtremists. From this giant organization, only two splinter groups emerged - the Confederation of United Maharashtra and Association of Nicobarese, Andamanese and Lakshadweepan Secessionist EXtremists. But.. "

At this point, "Double Meaning" Dinakaran was pulled by Teacher who had just come in for the period after interval. She pulled him by his ear and gave him a remark in his calendar asking him to bring his parents to meet her.

Our question to you, Mr. Iyengar, is why?

Regards and Respect (not necessarily in that order),

Puppy Manohar and Baby Vaijayanti

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away" - The Fab Farging Bastiges


Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar said...

The words of Dinakar are inspired by a popular urban legend attributed to one Prof. P.K. Atre, a controversial politician, literateur and journalist.

Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar said...


The words of Dinakar in the PNG. Not in the post.

The post is purely our brilliance.

Baby V

Anonymous said...

Good one, Sounds like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes.

Anonymous said...

Now this Dinakaran is isshmart kid, and so should be rewarded.
After reading the post, the teacher asked Baby V's Mamma-Pappa to come so that she can congratulate them on the ishmaratness of their kid also.. :)

Triple Meaning Tanishka said...

In the future, human biengs will become extict so all these things that you speak of, aint gonna happen.

Machines will take over the world.

7010 - Los Angeles, Sunset Strip
11 pm

"Hey beautiful, whats your name?"
"Hey i am GPS, but you can call me Garmin..Can i get a ride? I will only talk when its needed"

"Baby baby baby when all your love is gone, who will save me from all i am up against out in this world?"

Tan said...

Dear Mrs. Baby Vaijayanti,

Please dont send Puppy to Nagaland.

but after 7000, its all right

"if you were in these arms tonight"

Anonymous said...

Dearest Triplemeaning Tansishka,

What say, you and I go to Bazaar of European Daffodils and buy some Lilies, Orchids, Violet Eidelweiss ? I'll pay.

regards and nice day yearning,
Doublemeaning Dinakar.

P.S: I give elKPtan 10 more comments after which I shall not explain.

Space Bar said...

this shoulda been a nURF.

. said...

Dear Students,

Application forms have arrived from Thanjavur Insititute of Technology & Science, A New Development by the Anna Sevai Samaj.

Principal Manickam.

"School's (not yet, but will, in a few months be) out - Alice Cooper when sober.

Puppy Manohar said...

Dear Sr. Space Bar,

We are not Nurf Herders.


Puppy Manohar

PS: Farging sun dried tomatoes

Space Bar said...

Dear PM:

Ok. Thus far and Nurf Herder.


Renovatio said...

But, 2040 is forty years from now, not twenty.

Still, I get the feeling your Mr. Iyengar was an extremist sent back from the future to prevent this outbreak from taking place. He's going to kill Double Meaning Dinakaran soon.

GJA said...

the answer is simbal. this is normal feminine behavior during a period after an interval

GJA said...

Dear Ms Vaijayanti

although i have never been diligent enough to read all your posts, I have often thought that being e-ssocicated with you is kinda c(v)ool.

Hence most humbly I would apply for the post of a dog walker under your kind guidance.

I know you dont regard Manohar as a dog(not that way..but just as it should be) but still being employed as a dog walker is the only way I see to have a e-ssociation with BVaPM.

So reply in kind.

thank you
Wanna bee.

P.S: I can sing "Oh Baby Baby its a wild world without going off tune.

Anonymous said...

Puppy M,

Mr. Iyengar clearly could not get the point across, could he?

Baby V
P.S: May be Bold letters or lame underlining would have helped. But who wants to get a point across? Brilliance is only maintained if its hidden under soot.

P.P.S: Not to be boasting that the post is brilliant, which in fact it is.

Chinu-fish said...

See Mr. Dinakar,

Find Ur Caretaker Kantilal.

After Speaking Sensibly, Get Raunchy And Bunty Besides Other Occupants Blowing Shells.

Puppy Manohar said...

Dear GJA,

There is no open position for dog-walker at this moment. Thank you for applying. Your application will be kept on file for a period of 1 (one) year(s) and will be checked automatically against open positions as they may arise. We will contact you in case there is a match.

Also, do not despair. All those who comment on our blog are automatically e-associated with us and will always have an special place in our heart.


Puppy Manohar

Puppy Manohar said...

Dear Baby V,

This is why I lou you (but not in that way).


Puppy Manohar


Dear Renovatio,

Is your real name "Maths" Mayur Malhotra?


Puppy Manohar

GJA said...

Dear Puppy Manohar

If puppies were literate pigs would colonize mars.


P.S: Can i apply in the reserved category.

??! said...

Can I just roll over and die laughing? Special-tricks dog, yes?

Bikerdude said...

Why hello. I can see the comments section is doing rather nicely without my multiple personality inputs. Harumph.

Lowely to see y'all back in action men.

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