Friday, July 25, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Respected Chairperson of Selectors,
Natural Selection Committee
First of all, I would like to commend you and your committee for your service to all living things on Earth (TM). Not a day goes by without our silent gratitude. I hope you have many more days as head of this great organisation.
Your committee's body of work transcends a "best of" compilation. However, I will single out a few of your works as total masterpieces. The most obvious one is the Dinosaur Extinction. Bravo!, sir. This was truly a masterstroke. Please give my congratulations to whomever raised this idea. But to say that this is my favourite work is a bit of a sellout; much like so-called Metallica fans saying that "Nothing Else Matters" is Metallica's best song.
Carnivorous plants! Truly another marvellous job. I haven't yet seen a Venus Flytrap in the wild, but Baby Vaijayanti has shown me diagrams from her Botany textbook. I am truly awed.
But no, that is still not my favourite work of yours. That honour is reserved for whales. Yes, the aquatic megafaunae. It really requires a stroke of brilliance to take life out of the sea, make it evolve into viviparous land-dwelling mammals, and then take them BACK to the sea. I get goosebumps whenever I think of it.
Ma'am, if I have somehow misled you into thinking that this is a fan letter, I apologize. I have an ulterior motive. Over the course of time, you have allowed the species commonly referred to as "domestic dog" to evolve into many different races. Simply put, I am not a fan of this move. It pains me to see that I have to share the "dog" mantle with such obviously inferior races as Chihuahuas, Pomeranians, Poodles and other such lame breeds.
Please do the needful and cause an extinction in those races as soon as possible.
Thank you in advance,
"Shane Warne : Ricky Ponting :: Bill Clinton : G W Bush" - Myself
"History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man, Godzilla!" - BOC (also Racer X)