Thursday, June 10, 2010

I'll be there for you

Dear Puppy Manohar

Have you seen that FRIENDs episode ... which Chandler gets so catastrophically
drunk that he barges in to Ross's apartment, then repeatedly anally rapes him and
pushes him in the corner and whispers in to his scared ears,
"This is how I feel every night when I sleep with your sister"
The audience is tensed and silent.

Then Joey enters the room and says, "How ya doin!"
and the audience laughs hysterically. Have you seen it?
Its the best FRIENDS episode ever. FRIENDS is the best!

Have you seen that FRIENDs episode ... which a cat is stuck on the subway rails, with sad eyes looking at the camera as if pleading to be saved. The audience goes "AWWWWWWWWW"
and then Phoebe tries to save the cat while suddenly unexpectedly the train rushes through the tracks hitting both Phoebe and the cat.
Their frightened decapitated heads fly through the New York skyline with blood dripping on the faces of little crying children in a tragic slow motion shot.
The audience is shocked and silent.

Then Joey comes out of the motorman's room wearing the Motorman's hat
and says, "How ya doin!"
and the audience laughs hysterically. Have you seen it?
Its the best FRIENDS episode ever. FRIENDS is the best!

Have you seen that FRIENDs episode ... which they have shown a kind of post-apocalyptic, post-nuclear holocaust world where all mankind is extinct, all civilization has vaporized, all is lost except the Geller siblings - Monica and Ross, the only survivors.

They are posed with the intellectual dilemma - on one side
the apparently instinctive but really intellectual responsibility
of re-populating the world and propagating their human DNA
on the other hand the apparently instinctive but really intellectual
taboo of incest. On one hand the futility of trying to perpetuate the
evidently worthless human species which has already destroyed itself and the planet and on the other, the futility of re-populating the planet with characters like Ross and Monica - illconcieved, unrealistic, shallow, whose traits have been naturally selected from previously popular sitcoms and the lusty whims of insane studio executives and yet existing purely to keep a maddened Americanized generation psychosexually captivated, spell bound in their avaracious lifestyles that has destroyed everything.

Monica manicly cleans the human waste around her- the cleanliness freak that she is. Eternally punished to rectify the wrongs of a suicidal civilization - like the good woman 'the gatherer' as many MCP Darwinists believe a woman should be. Ross cries like a mad man mourning for the lack of a lover scavenging through the wasteland thriving on the meat of old lovers - the good hunter that a man should be.

They soon realize that all this does NOT matter.
It doesn't matter if humans go on.
It doesn't matter if they think human life has a purpose or is pointless.
It doesn't matter if a trillion years of life on the planet was just a meaningless
blink of the eye of the Universe...

What really matters is that ANOTHER season of FRIENDS must go on...

The audience applauds. All FRIENDS fans are happy to know that another FRIENDS season will be released.

But its not so simple, Ross and Monica can not make love. In spite of getting over
their incest hangup, they are so physically repulsive on an absolute level. Their
personalities are so repugnant, their demeanor so disgusting that they just can not feel
attracted to each other...

The audience is tensed, no more FRIENDS....this is the last episode...?
IS this how it all ends!?

Then a mutant monkey losely resembling an erect hairless ape struggles through
the radioactive waste mumbling the words, "How ya doin!"

The audience is hysterical!
Have you seen it?
Its the best FRIENDS episode ever. FRIENDS is the best!

Baby Vaijayanti


Anonymous said...

Dear B.V,
I totally agree with you. F.R.I.E.N.D.S, especially in its later seasons gets on one's nerves. I can't see how reinforcing a character's personality (slutty/stupid/anal) for the trillionth time could generate laughs. The fake hysterical, loud,retarded audience laugh aggravates it further.

Anyway, stumbled upon your blog today. Keep kicking ass. Cheers,


Avi A said...

Heh heh good one. Couldn't agree more on how lame Friends is. But then we are a tiny minority. We need to keep our chin up and fight on against the travesty that this series is.

Anonymous said...

Just as an acknowledgment, it is definitely to some extent inspired by and influenced by the following:

Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle:

"Del Boy Stew....and then Trigger makes a face"

Its not that brilliant now, is it?
Baby V

Anonymous said...

Some Reviews by

one friend: Totally Unfunny

PD: A waste of time.

Other such reviews welcome.

- Baby V

Jil Jil Ramamani said...

:O :(

Anonymous said...

This post was so brilliant - it put me into the disgusting, fetid, stinking cavity that is its mouth... chewed me so thoroughly that I became nothing but a putrefying piece of noxious goo... and spit me back out into the world - feeling so completely consumed, I cannot look at my 70-year old maid the same way I used to.
Love You.

Anonymous said...

Dam Anonymous!

Is that what I (and PM) have become?

(looks at the sky, camera pointing downwards)

Baby V

sap said...
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