Thursday, January 18, 2007

The New Y2K ?

Dear Baby,

Sometimes, being a puppy allows you to see things a human will almost certainly fail to notice. I recently noticed something that alarmed me. I told some canine buddies what I had found and they, too, noticed it. Baby V, we are quite alarmed and we believe the future of the human race is in danger.

My canine buddies and I believe that one Evil (of course) corporation is trying to control all humans, and mostly succeeding.

I don't know if you've noticed, Baby, but usually the first reaction of a puppy or a small dog when it meets a new person is to jump up at them and rest their paws on the person's thighs as they walk in. From this vantage point, it's very clear that there is this one Corporation that is trying to take over essential bodily functions.

I am quite sure you've never noticed this, but almost all zippers (used in zip-up flies) bear the mark of this company, the infernal YKK.

In a way, it's sheer genius. They plan to put their zippers on all pants and then they take over! With the advent of Microelectromechanical Systems (MEMS), it is almost trivial for them to put some sort of radio activated lock on their zippers. Imagine then, if the YKK Corporation decided to activate their radio controlled locks. They could have the whole world at their mercy - no human will be able to perform their normal excretory functions without soiling themselves. Even worse, humans would not be able to reproduce. I know men will be willing to tear their pants to shreds, but no woman would want to destroy her Nice (New / Favourite / other adjective) Jeans. YKK could also selectively lock up their zippers, creating a population of YKK sympathizers and eliminating dissenting voices.

Now that you know this, Baby V, use your feminine charms and cute baby smile to educate your species. Throw away your YKK zippers, and switch to more low tech fastening devices.

And remember, when that doggie is leaning up against you and barking, he is telling you that your zipper might one day control you. Don't let that bark go in vain.

Yours alarmedly,

Puppy Manohar

PS : Do you think YKK could be the Number of the Beast ? It has three characters after all.

"ting ta ting ta tingtatingta ting ta ting tatingtatingta " - Any Bhangra Song

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