Thursday, March 01, 2007

So much for Laces

Notso Knotty Brothers,
Laces Family,
Snickers lane,
Shoe Rack.

Dear Twins: SaeelLace and NiLace,

I warn you. Please don't bring me down ever so often. I tie you tightly every now and then, but yet you incessantly untie yourself.
You are twins and brothers. In fact, you share the same body. The same blood, or the lack of it, flows through both of you. Why can't you live together in harmony?

I know one of you is too left and the other one is too right. But after all we are the children of the same Lord, My FOOT. Don't you see that all this leftness and rightness is a mere illusion? Once you extricate yourself from the maya of my shoe, you will realize that it doesn't matter which side you are on and how you stick to it.

Is it your desire to extricate yourself from this bondage? Let me inform you that you are a Shoe lace and it's your karma to form a knot. So do so and GO TO HEAVEN!!!! If not for this, what are you but a mere thread?

This is not to say, that you are good only for my foot:

1) You can be a tourniquet and save someone's life while he is dying from the sting of a venomous lover (a cobra, i.e. metaphor; ah dhang you.).

2) You could be a book mark with one of you kissing a cellotape over the bound bed of a 'Wren and Martin's Grammar for Convent Students', and the other between the pages reminding the reader that he has yet to read a lot. And that he should stop trying to impress his female schoolmates with his fancy grammar.

3) You could be tied between two small sticks to form a pseudo-nunchaku (ref: You could give great pleasure to boys who have just watched the extremely violent "Enter the dragon" and are hell-bent upon breaking each others' bones. (social sarcasm)

4) You could be called Spiritual Symbol, a 'Kamasutra' or a 'Nadishastra' and score great accolades in the west from western critics who would appreciate anything non-western to show how fucking cool they are. (slander)

5) You could be the weapon that Captain uses to hang his enemies, i.e the "Enemies of India" for they deserve to be hung/ hanged by a lace. You would be legendary in your role as the NiLace and SaeelLace, THE Peoples' Knot.

Or you could be the same old, knot-next-door, lace. The same old bloody, rubbish, good-for-nothing, redundant functionally retarded foot-tie. You excrement! You lousy inanimate waste of human effort! Oh! I should have bought a velcro (or however the heck it is spelt/led)! I could have worn sandals but NO! I had to spend my father's hard-earned money on you and your ridiculously dysfunctional lace! "Awe Awe, Look at me, I am a knight's daughter! Awe! Look at me fine laces. You peasants wear buttons! I wear laces..I have french blood." Now I have to reap what I have sown. I have to live with your despicable, rotten presence on my locomotive appendages. Man! Oh Man! You and your devious designs!

The One who can stick you up someones posterior if he/she choses to.

1 comment:

Alice In Wonderland said...

Awesome post, Baby V.

Have been following your blog for sometime and have blog-rolled you.