Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Social Message

Dear Puppy Manohar,

Whats with comedy and social messages? Comedians like Carlos Mencia, chose to crack jokes with "social messages". The whole premise of their arguments is "I am sweet and you're the sucker".

Sarcasm with taunts towards social evils is considered to be sensible comedy. In fact, it's more often than not a desperate attempt to seem intellectual ("and yet funny, yar").

Satire of that form is appreciated only by people who are desperately seeking to appear intelligent.

Come to think about it.... "Seeking to appear intelligent" is a huge subgroup of the "Left". You are one of them. So don't you ever again throw your "see, it's nothing but Class War" concepts on me. I am always right. and you are wrong.

Baby V.
"Jaspal Bhatti's comedy may be satire, but he is good. go f!@# yourself." - me

A Collection

Dear Baby V,

Here is a collection of quotes and facts that I have gathered from the internet and others:

"the Animalness of a Bat's Mammalness is the same Animalness as that of its WingedAnimalness" - Anon

"76% percent girls betray boys" - Param Sasan

"Dude, I don't want to break them - I just want to get inside" - El KPtan, on being informed that the object of his lust is not single

"Chill, dude!" - El KPtan, to law enforcement personnel

"Apparently, a good way to estimate the height of an elephant is to measure the diameter of its foot and then multiply by 2pi." - Another Anon

"Do Sharks eat Seals or do Dolphins eat Seals? Sharks eat Seals. Sharks are ferocious, they eat Dolphins too. Some Dolphins, however, eat Sharks too..In fact, Tiger Shark is a kind of Dolphin."
- Dr. Row Hun, Bombay School of Marine Biology, Bandra.

"Madras bashai is, however, not a type of Engrish, since it is not the result of trying to speak English correctly and then failing" - Yet Another Anon

"Arre last weekend was the first weekend when I was awake. I was fully awake. Coz last weekend I slept and slept. Still fighting jet lag" - Raja "Le Roi" D

"When you point one finger to others, four are pointing [back] to you"
- Mrs. Ravi Shetty (and others)

"The bridge connecting Vile Parle (East) and Vile Parle (West), is actually, in Vile Parle (East)"
- Mihir 'De Caprio' Patil

"Vegetarin foog [sic] is the best way to keep body in good condition." - Rashmi Srinivas

"My uncle started doing Yoga, for purging the negative energy from his system." - White Rabbit
"What the f*!@ is negative energy? Energy is a scalar!" - Maha Indra, the Indra of Indras

"I'm not an arithmetician, dude. I'm a mathematician" - Maha Indra, the Indra of Indras, when asked if an envelope with a few calculations on it belonged to him

"I'm f!@#in John, man. F$@#!" - John Abra Man

"I want my name back. Give my name." - John Abra Man

"I'm not a killjoy. I'm a killJohn!" - John Abra Man

"You Metallica fans should realise that the future of metal belongs to Judas Priest" - some drummer, backstage at Saarang, IITM 2003.

"Gabbu adikkithu! / It's smelling!" - White Rabbit, to driver of Onyx Garbage Lorry

"Hence a less heroic term for the Musket Wars would be the Potato Wars" - Jared Diamond

"I'll kill you to death!" - Anonymous school teacher

Educate thyself,


Puppy Manohar

"You're not hardcore, unless you've lived hardcore. The legend of the rent was way hardcore!" - Jack Black / School of Rock

Thursday, January 18, 2007

The New Y2K ?

Dear Baby,

Sometimes, being a puppy allows you to see things a human will almost certainly fail to notice. I recently noticed something that alarmed me. I told some canine buddies what I had found and they, too, noticed it. Baby V, we are quite alarmed and we believe the future of the human race is in danger.

My canine buddies and I believe that one Evil (of course) corporation is trying to control all humans, and mostly succeeding.

I don't know if you've noticed, Baby, but usually the first reaction of a puppy or a small dog when it meets a new person is to jump up at them and rest their paws on the person's thighs as they walk in. From this vantage point, it's very clear that there is this one Corporation that is trying to take over essential bodily functions.

I am quite sure you've never noticed this, but almost all zippers (used in zip-up flies) bear the mark of this company, the infernal YKK.

In a way, it's sheer genius. They plan to put their zippers on all pants and then they take over! With the advent of Microelectromechanical Systems (MEMS), it is almost trivial for them to put some sort of radio activated lock on their zippers. Imagine then, if the YKK Corporation decided to activate their radio controlled locks. They could have the whole world at their mercy - no human will be able to perform their normal excretory functions without soiling themselves. Even worse, humans would not be able to reproduce. I know men will be willing to tear their pants to shreds, but no woman would want to destroy her Nice (New / Favourite / other adjective) Jeans. YKK could also selectively lock up their zippers, creating a population of YKK sympathizers and eliminating dissenting voices.

Now that you know this, Baby V, use your feminine charms and cute baby smile to educate your species. Throw away your YKK zippers, and switch to more low tech fastening devices.

And remember, when that doggie is leaning up against you and barking, he is telling you that your zipper might one day control you. Don't let that bark go in vain.

Yours alarmedly,

Puppy Manohar

PS : Do you think YKK could be the Number of the Beast ? It has three characters after all.

"ting ta ting ta tingtatingta ting ta ting tatingtatingta " - Any Bhangra Song

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Pa! Red Ox?

Dear Baby,

I have been reading a lot, lately. A lot. And during the course of my readings I came across a topic that is probably of interest to only women and nutritionists. Since you will one day be a woman, I am blogging about it.

I read about negative calorie foods, Baby. Imagine, the calories you gain from the food are less than the calories required for you to digest it! All this only because humans (and canines) are incapable of digesting cellulose.

But that is not the main reason I am blogging.

I was out on a walk, and I started thinking about this strange food group. I remember inhaling some strange fumes as we ( Dr. (Mrs.) Iyengar and I ) passed by that house where those friendly college students live and not feeling so well. Being the considerate woman your mother is, she brought me home. I continued to think about this and came up with the following scenario:

Imagine a man (or woman, or canine) who survives a plane crash or a shipwreck and ends up on a deserted island. Now, the island is uninhabited - there are no animals on it at all. What it does have, however, is an abundant supply of broccoli and celery.

Now the man (or woman, or canine) is happy. It seems that he / she / it has an infinite supply of food - at least enough food to last till they get found. But wait, Baby V! Broccoli and celery are negative calorie foods!

What happens now? Is the marooned one doomed? If so, how does he / she / it die?

- of starvation? Because one is (presumably) still hungry after eating negative calories

- of over exertion? Because it's too much work for the body to digest all of that cellulose ?

Does the marooned one break into a sweat, collapse and kick the bucket?

This one's a real puzzle, Baby V. I'm stumped. Help me out here.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Your pet,

Puppy Manohar

"Kyrie Eleison, down the road that I must travel" - Mr. Mister

Monday, January 08, 2007


photo courtesy wikipedia

Dear Baby,

Maybe you should read this and aspire to be more like this individual:

What? You thought you were the only one who could Copy-Paste?

Lots of love,

Puppy Manohar.

"Turn around, bright eyes" - Bonnie Tyler