Menu De Menu
Authentic Cuisine from the Valleys of Dracony
Fine Dining (ah dhang you)
Meals
Eat what’s served to you, bastiges
Fine Dining
Every second of making bad faces $1.00
Not washing hands before eating $2.00
Chewing less than 10 times before swallowing $2.00
Burping $1.50 / instance
Leaning over the table for food $1.00
Leaning over the table for utensils $2.00
Not saying grace before eating* $5.00
*This charge is waived if patron signs the following affidavit “I doubt the existence of an external agency responsible for creating and maintaining this world. Therefore, I have no gratitude whatsoever to that agency. Hence, I shall not convey my thanks”
If the above affidavit is signed, penalty for saying “God, this is so good” $7.50
Opening mouth while chewing $2.50
Crying children penalty $5.00/ child
Smelling the food before consumption $2.00
Adding salt before tasting food $2.00
Ordering in German 10% discount
Ordering in any other Germanic Language 5% discount
*Discount is reduced depending on linguistic distance of ordering language from Der Reichensprache
Discussing politik loudly $5.00 off
Saying “But of course, we have to keep in mind…” followed by a grammatically correct predicate $5.00 off
Advocating “Linear Execution” $5.00 off
Saying “If it weren’t for those …” followed by scornful term for any people who are darker in complexion (could include your own people) $5.00 off
Saying “Rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer” (Boss discount) $7.50 off
If the above is said as a toast $10.00 off
PS:
Words of wisdom from El Kptan, alias KPri:
oh yaa i called because i had to pretend to call some1
i was waiting in the corridor for some friends before lunch
and thats not cool to just wait there
so i was pretending to be on the phn
cause i was fking hungry
