Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Baby Vaijayanti's Father

Dear Puppy Manohar,

Heres an essay I wrote for 10 marks.

My Father - Baby Vaijayanthi

My father is a peculiar man, never the less as they all say (and as good Indians ought to) I am proud of him. He stands six feet tall, broad shoulders and in his prime must have swept a lot of women off their feet. He is straight but does not like to look at other peoples wives or jazzy women walking on the street seeking attention (like Vijay's dad or for that matter all grown women). He prefers to walk on street pondering over situations that would never ever happen. Come to think about it, its a tough task, but as mother would put it, "Has no utility what so ever". But its a cool thing, you know, like he comes up with the most irrelevant gifts one could ever give ex. an ipod to your grandmother, a years stalk of staple pins to your father in law or irrelevant inventions like a tea cup with a USB Port. I thinks its pretty futuristic and I believe my dad is cool.

My father is an industrious and sincere worker. He works as a chair at his office. People sit on him.Thats his job. He loves it. Also, of all the other chairs at his branch, people prefer to sit only on him. Everyone who is anyoe sits on him. He is a great team player and is loved and appreciated in his team. He is commended for his work ethic and never say die attitude. Being an extremely versatile professional, he also proactively manages to become a ladder. There is nothing more satisfying than to see people climb up on your shoulders, he says. He has also taken up various other positions for the benefit of the company he works for. Once, he was, much to his ignorance deployed as a corporate spy by the HR. I will one day grow up to become a chair just like my dad. I hope, by then, women are seen in better light as professionals in India than they are seen today.

On account of his superior gene pool and fairer complexion, he acquires a special position in our patriarchal family hierarchy. My mother, apparently, fell for him due to this very reason and her family in their infinite eugenic consciousness were quick to comply. My father, though is not a racist, can not stand people with silly pants. He believes all humans are created equal and should be discriminated only on the basis of their trousers. According to him people with no sub-pelvic dressing sense are uncivilized savages who need to be reformed. This, according to our family psychiatric is a psychological disorder probably induced due to the tight pants he was made to wear as a 70s kid.. Alternatively, according to the doctor, this could be a genetic trait, because all our family patriarchs have always maintained some peculiar criterion to discriminate people and essentially reproach their ways of life to render them inferior. But many of our family members have insisted that the psychiatric is "a smug liberal bastard who just wants to show off his Ivy league education with his ostentatious scientific language and egalitarian concepts of the 18th century french gay-warts". I don't like my religion (that much).

Me and my father spend a lot of time together. We generally do a lot of experiments together. My father despises dogs. He admittedly, does not quite like Manohar's presence in the family. He believes its an act of clear intrusion. "The country is going to the dogs", he mutters. Manohar, does not wear pants. This according to him is a clear sign that he is not suitable for our family. "If after, such long association with the humans, dogs did not learn to wear pants, they never will" But he believes that he can successfully transform Manohar in to a human being. According to the Ancient Hindu Science, Manohar was a Brahmin boy who committed adultery in his last birth. Consequently, he is a dog in this birth. My father is not a huge fan of Karma. Never the less, he diligently and open mindedly considers all avenues towards achieving our goals. Besides such research we also do simple experiments like converting household spices in to opiates like morphine. Recently, we trapped a female anopheles in a transparent plastic container (initially filled with mouth-freshners) We intend to investigate her intestinal contents to track her path. This research according to dad would have serious ramifications in various fields from criminal psychology to immunology.

My father would get a Nobel Prize or the Fields Medal if that happens. I would proud to see my dad get a nobel prize.


Baby V

"My father's canine hating heterosexual" (in the tune of "Papa Kehte hai")

1 comment:

Chethana said...

Dear Baby V and Puppy M,

I think I might be in love with both of you; if it is possible to define 'love' as wanting to read all the correspondence.

Regards & c.,