Thursday, February 08, 2007

Love




Love is a double-edged sword. Why do I say so? Ask any dumb lad who has fallen in love and you shall know. Parikshit Sardesai once fell in love. He fell in love with this beautiful lass who lived down the river, east of his scary town of Annakovka.

Annakovka was a godforsaken place indeed. It was so scary, that even ghosts were scared of dropping by. From demons to spirits of crazy dictators, every frightening thing ever known to mankind had happened in Annakovka. And yet, people kept pouring in to it, like bees in a flask half-filled with poisoned honey. It was said that people came to Annakovka to die. They died alright, but in spite of its notoriety, people just kept coming.

Smitha went to Annakovka to meet Kinjal, this beautiful Naagvanshi girl. Naagvanshis were a handsome race. Legends spoke of the courage of their men and ballads sang of their beautiful women.
“A Naagvanshi man could kill an elephant with his toe.
A Naagvanshi woman could seduce a charging hippo
A Naagvanshi child could outplay any other outdoor
Naagvanshi! Naagvanshis? A fucking bunch of homos”
- Manu.
But to hell with Manu, that racist homophobic bastard!

Homophobia is prevalent in modern India, as much as its poverty. Both are recent byproducts of a two hundred year rule of the great Queen (and King) of England. The queen bestowed upon her mortal subjects, the inhabitants of all her colonial possessions, the boons of technology and civilization, until then known only to the Christian (Protestant) white man (and women also sometimes).

Technology has changed the course of human history more than any other factor. In fact every time some other such factor seems to appear, technology changes its course. Hence mankind, in fact, is oblivious to any other factor. Therefore, we would never know any other factor. For example, agriculture seemed to change the hunter-gatherers like the Naagvanshi.

Food production started appearing in the Fertile Crescent. This led to the depletion of the hunting-gathering lifestyle, which was already not so rewarding in those areas. Thus, crops flourished and human societies grew larger. States appeared and along with them appeared over-populated cities. With domesticated animals now required to assist the need of higher power-driven food production, the animals became a part of the human society. With those disgusting beasts came the diseases. Small pox, Influenza, Mad Cow Diseases, Racism, Syphilis amongst others entered the human arena of natural selection. Man developed terrifying disease resistance.

But wait, in other areas hunting gathering lifestyle still kicked ass. Naagvanshis, for instance, needed no punk-ass agriculture. Food production was for suckers, according to them.


Naagvanshi language: “Ti la vi sa min toh ka phi ba chi Shri Ka Go”

English: “Food producing societies explode with people. For more people, we need more food. The more food we adequately generate, the more is the capability to support a larger population. This autocatalysis takes man straight to “hell” (a concept Naagvanshis are not aware of, on account of being “primitive” hunter-gatherers). Get a man from those food producers and compare his constitution with a superior Naagvanshi. The calories consumed by the food producers are way lower than those from the strength-imparting high-protein diet of hunting-gathering. Our bulls, our bears, our goats, our hares! Praise be to Shri ka Go (Cattle of the Lord) Bulls, our great game. (ah dhang you)”

- Ancient Naagvanshi Saying.
Books of Naagvanshi One-liners.

Of course, the glory of the Naagvanshis was shortlived. The Aryans arrived with their great ‘ashvak’s (Sanskrit for Horse, relative of the Ass) and with their large numbers and huge cavalry and their technology, viz Iron and steel, conquered the Naagvanshis and subdued them to eternal slavery.

Annakovka witnesses this great war. It's said that the spirits of the great Naagvanshis haunt the village. But they didn’t kill Parikshit. Love did. Why? Because, as they say, Love is a double edged sword.

Regards,
Vivek Parthasarthy (Mrs.)
Commercial artiste and part-time anthropologist.
“Love is just a four-lettered word” – Bob Dylan/ Joan Baez (?)
“And so is fuck, pear, amit, keys, word, joan and others”

8 comments:

Escape.... Great Escape said...

How is others spelt ? I know !!! OTH E R S

Do you think if there are more letters in the alphabet we get more creative ?

I enjoyed the story especially the Manu part. which BTW is a 4 letter word too...

Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar said...

Dear Escape,

You lack basic comprehension skills.

Q. How many 4 lettered words does the author suggest as 'exempli gratis' in his comment on the Baez/Dylan song?

Your Answer: 7.

Incorrect.
Marks 0
Correct Answer: 6
You have failed the test.

Sorry to inform you, we have better qualified applicants for this post.

regards,
Donald Trump (Mrs.)
"Comprehension is a prerequisite to criticism" - ancient human saying.

Escape.... Great Escape said...

yeah.. but I wasnt over..

/Donnie... you are out of your elements...

Enchantelope said...

Hmm I think the Nagavanshi's had cities with indoor toilets...so they must have had agriculture!

Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar said...

Dear Ms. Antelope, Ench

Just because they had toilets, it does not mean they had agriculture. Correlation does not imply causality.

Thank you and have a nice day,

Mr. Analyzer, Logic.

Rising edge, falling edge, any edge, high, low, tristate.

Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar said...

Dear Ms Antelope, Ench

Yes. In our previous correspondence we rejected your proposal of inferring that indoor toilets necessitate an agrarian society.

We have approximately 35 arguments and examples to contradict your hypothesis. However, we wish to inform you that you can now buy the counter arguments for $ 1057.00 per argument.

For every 2 arguments bought, you shall receive 'science shopper points'. After you have accumulated 100 'science shopper points' you will get one Nutrition related claim absolutely free i.e we shall not have any scientific discussion on your claim.

regards,
Dr. Bhadois (Mrs)
1 800 SCIENCEPIMP
Buy scientific contradictions for the cheapest price.
We offer cheap contradictions on scientific claims for competitive prices.

Enchantelope said...

Dear Willie Wonka's Candy Company,
Spare me the Nutrional claim...I have been humbled by your offer. I no longer argue that they had channeled manure therefore they manicured the land...In fact..it wasn't even the NagaVs who had indoor WCs I think it was the great grand aunts and uncles of their neighbors.
Now I am more interested in knowing about the power procured by the Nagavanshi's because of their domestication of the snake and its germs. I wonder if they harnessed it to till the soil that they did not sow.
Sincerely,
It's Ms. Elope, Enchant

Karan said...

Love

Love can be deaf
and love can be blind
but the real fun lies
when one enjoys a good grind

love can be fate
and love can be hate
but usually love happens
when its already too late

love can be death
and love can be life
but love is so much sexier
when it involves someone else's wife

love can be a cheat
and love can be fair
but love is the best
when it involves no clothes wear

love might rust
and love might turn to dust
but whatever might happen
it should never lose its lust

love can be true
and love can be a lie
love can be torture
even if you are getting high


and finally...

love can be bought
and love can be sold
but its not so bad
cause the joint is being rolled


"Do you believe in love?"- I am making this up but i am sure some asshole in the 80's must have written a song with this kind of a title.