Wednesday, February 13, 2008

In Foreign

In foreign, everything is better.
In foreign, people have good civic sense.

In foreign, beggars have cars.
In foreign, auto drivers wear suit and tie.
In foreign, everyone speaks fluent English.
In foreign, roads don't have potholes (like every bloody road here).
In foreign, there is no corruption.

In foreign, politicians don't tell lies and cheat people.
In foreign, at least if there is corruption, it doesn't affect the common man.
In foreign, everyone has a/c car.
In foreign, people are honest and courteous.
In foreign, everyone is treated with respect.

In foreign, people don't stare and gather around film shootings like Indians do.
In foreign, if they find a person is corrupt, he is gone.
In foreign, everything is better quality.
In foreign, people don't shout. Ever.
In foreign, a lot of people use clothes once and throw them away.

In foreign, no one uses Made in India things.
In foreign, people are sober, they don't dance around like hooligans at cricket matches. They just mildly clap and applaud. They are decent.
In foreign, there are robots for everything.
In foreign, everything is so clean, no need of domestic help.

In foreign, scientists are already thinking of making human beings.
In foreign, everyone lives in bungalows.
In foreign, they don't fight over religion.
In foreign, politicians never use religion to win elections.
In foreign, they don't fight. They shake hands and agree.

In foreign, politicians don't read their speeches, they write their own speeches and learn them. Unlike Indian politicians who read what their PA writes.
In foreign, everyone is fair.
In foreign, even Indians are respected.
In foreign, all trains are Bullet Trains. So fast, you can't see them only.

In foreign, people have sex on the street and yet no body stares.
In foreign, if a good looking girl passes by, people don't stare at her like they do in India.
In foreign girls can walk naked and it's ok.
In foreign, they don't give undue importance to their film stars or sportsmen like they do here. They are only treated as professionals like anyone else.

In foreign, beaches are so clean that you can see through the water.
In foreign, if someone litters, immediately he is arrested.
In foreign, no body spits on the street.
In foreign, people drink but they never get drunk.
In foreign, internet is so fast, you can download full movies in seconds.

In foreign, there are no slums.
In foreign, there are no poor people.
In foreign, there are no hawkers.
In foreign, everything is sold from a/c shops.
In foreign, shopping complexes are so big, people have gone in and never found their way out.
In foreign, police officers are well built and healthy and they respect you. (from their heart)

In foreign, toilets never stink.
In foreign, everyone goes to the gym regularly.
In foreign, a garbage collector is as respected as a CEO of a company.
In foreign, children don't need to wear uniforms and can wear fancy shoes to school.
In foreign, children can not calculate 2+3 without using a calculator. Every child has a calculator.

In foreign, teachers don't beat children. Nor do parents.
In foreign, if anyone beats children, they are arrested and put in jail.
In foreign, there is no traffic jam, because all roads have 8 lanes.
In foreign, if you call 100, the police are at your doorstep immediately.

In foreign, doctors are so good that no one ever dies in the hospitals.
In foreign, all medicines taste like ice cream.
In foreign, some people take one capsule and that's it, their meals for the whole day are done.
In foreign, everyone has their own room, where parents never interfere.
In foreign, in their own room, kids have TV computer internet. Everything.
In foreign, no body fails in school.

In foreign, most people don't go to college, because 10th std. students know more than Indian scientists.
In foreign, there is no board exam.
In foreign, children can ask teacher if they can go to bathroom, and teachers allow them also.
In foreign, everyone has had sex by the time they are 12.
In foreign, people follow their hobbies passionately.

In foreign, they have 2 lives, personal life and professional life. They never mix it like they do here.
In foreign, even 12 yr old kids make money. Probably more than adults make over here.
In foreign, everyone is dedicated and sincere about their work.
In foreign, if you lose your bag somewhere, no body will pick it. If you tell police, they will find it for you.
In foreign there are no petty thieves.

In foreign if you ask a child "Where does milk come from?", they will say "supermarket".
In foreign, everyone finds time to do adventure sports.
In foreign, water from tap is 100% pure.
In foreign, parents kiss in front of the children.

In foreign, there is no such thing as domestic violence.
In foreign, since every woman is trained in martial arts, their husbands will never dare hit them.
In foreign, people sleep around with anyone all the time.



Regards,

Baby V and Puppy M

NP: "Jukebox hero"

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

In foreign, everyone leaves comments on humour blog posts.

Regards,
EC

NP: "I want to know what love is" - Foreigner

Kappa said...

To the man they call Hunter D

In our locality, we slumber up along with 24 family members cause we are poor.

In our locality, we go the beach to have a bath

In our locality, we dont study cause the alectricity blew off and neither could we afford candles and the street dogs ruled the streets so the street lights were'nt an option

..

i hope u get wt i am referring to
u fking rich city's citizen
i stay in a fking trash can
u stay in big houses with gold brick walls, swimmin pool , jacuzzi et all

"The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire"

Kappa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bikerdude said...

Suber ba. here's my 2p:

In foreign even drainage water is bisleri.
In foreign even schools have metal detectors for students (OK now in delhi too).
In foreign people buy sophisticated gadgetry to trim nose hairs.
In foreign companies buy potatoes, mash them, dry them in the sun,re-shape them into potatoes and make them into chips.
In foreign, vegetables are so juicy that they immediately reduce to half their size when they are cooked.
In foreign people are so friendly, they will smile brightly at you and say "Im sorreeee.. the computer won't allow me to." when you're dying, need to be admitted in a hospital and dont have ID.
In foreign even old people have vast colonies where they live happily amonst their own.

Kappa said...

In foreign, the garbage truck has more power than yr regular trucks

In foreign, even the bathroom water tastes better and is more safer than your household water.

in foreign, girls wear traditional clothes as well as scanty clothes or no clothes as in accordance with the occasion

in foreign, spending a night behind bars is more satisfying than paying bribe

In foreign you cant buy single cigarettes, only full packets ..but its all part of the "system" and they even give u a matchbox for free.

in foreign even trees smell of sex
( the author's ridiculous argument that this particular tree, somewhere on the west coast smells of %$& )

in foreign you can invite random hot looking people into your house for a parttay even without a cover charge.

in foreign, indian girls start cheating on their boyfriends back home and a couple of months later start cheating on the new ones and form a Fornucleator Chain Reaction
ah dhang you.

In foreign you can rent cars on another country's driving licence.

In foreign cell phones are free, and sometimes the company pays you for buying one ah dhang you.

In foreign, human stars like Chuck Norris exist.

In foreign,we consider the orignal country to be foreign.

"Parrrrrrdesiiii Parrrrrdesiiii
jaaanna nahiiii"

- Constipated guy with a wierdly stringed instrument

Krish Ashok said...

in foreign, posts as pwntastic as this get dugg or reditted, unlike here, where they get buried in indianpad.com where the top stories always seem to deal with the availability of a torrent file of something titled "desi masala"

Anonymous said...

SIR-
Not since the Theban plays have I read a piece that evoked such Pathos. Kudos to you for so sharply highlighting the differences between the resplendent foreign and the repugnant des.

Truly you are the brown Sophocles.


-KSA