Saturday, December 11, 2010


Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, which is why normal people take off the crown before going to sleep.

A hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, which is why it is so fucked up. A hand is ruling the world, just a hand - no body, no brain. (ah dhang you)

If you see a severed hand, know your ruler.

Look before you leap. Preferably use the same principle for walking, running, sprinting or merely standing haplessly doing nothing. Always look. Better safe than sorry.

He who laughs least, laughs last or may be you need to change your style of comedy.

He who laughs least laughs last, He who laughs last laughs loudest, He who laughs loudest laughs best. Hence he who laughs least laughs best. I.e Please don't laugh.

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Or may be the Angels are just afraid of being thought of as fools.

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. It is interesting that they go to the same gym. May be fools are training for a marathon. That says a lot about marathon runners.

A bad workman blames his tools. A good workman blames his compensation package. The best workman blames the modern capitalist system. Viva la Revolucion

You can fool some people all the time and all people some of the time but you can't fool all people all the time. I don't know who said this first. Almost everyone agrees with it. What if it's not true?

Make hay while the sun shines, in your sky that is. The sun is actually always shining; it's a star.

A stitch in time saves nine. A stitch in space saves face.
A stitch on an open wound can save your life.
You decide which is more important

A stitch in time saves nine. 0 marks. No units. Don't say it's understood. You still have to write the units.

All is fair in love and war. And Nazi Germany.

Never hit a man with glasses. Fists are usually more effective.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones at others. Who the fuck lives in glass houses?
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Fortunately only plants live in glass houses and they don't throw stones at others.
And they haven't evolved opposable thumbs yet, those bastages.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones at others and more importantly should not throw stones at their own house or throw stones so high that they might fall or ricochet. They should gently roll the stones if they so desire a translation of stones. This has the added advantage of making sure the stone doesn't gather any moss.

Also, that does not mean people who do not live in glass houses can throw stones at other willy nilly. A stone when thrown back at you still can hurt you if not your house.

An idle mind is the devil's workshop. By that token, is an occupied mind the devil's vacation villa?

I'm sure the devil blames his tools for an unsubstantial magnitude of work at his workshop. That's not because he is a bad workman -- the human cranial cavity is just not the right space for a workshop

God helps them who help themselves. Does that mean God is helping himself?

All that glitters is not gold, but it is still worth something in the pawnshop.

All that glitters is not gold but all that glitters and has a density of 19.30 g/cm−3, melts at 1064.18 °C, is definitely Gold.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me, unless you write the name on a stick or stone and then hit me with it.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. Unless the names are on the boxing bout chart and it includes your name.

Time and Tide waits for no man. It's too bad time does not wait for no man. Who the fuck cares about tide?

Time and tide waits for "NO!", man. That's all Time and Tide want to hear -- "NO!". They are like dogs that way

It takes two hands to clap but one is enough to punch.

It's wonderful to watch birds in flight but don't stare up for too long for one of them is bound to defecate in your eyes.

A pat on someone else's back is better than a foot up your ass but a foot up your ass is better than a yard up your ass, depending on the substance and at what stage of assimilation it is in your small intestine.

Power corrupts, but energy doesn't. Since energy is merely power over a large amount of time, it's ok to have power.

A stitch in time saves nine, but it would have saved much more if the English language had a number that rhymes with time that is larger than nine. If this proverb was constructed in an ancient language that had a word for time that rhymed with the word for infinity then a stitch in time would have saved more.

The grass is always greener on the other side, except if you are looking at it through rose-tinted glasses.

There's no such thing as a free lunch, because lunches are generally imprisoned by their containers.

A sword turned in to a plough can still inflict fatal wounds.

You can not write on a slate with a ball point pen.

God does not play carrom board with the universe, even though both have black holes.


Samir Bellare said...

LOL. Great post.

Word verification: diess

Abirami said...

I had a bad day and I came here(because I'm masochistic, yes). This post made me laugh. Thank you.