Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Religion: Other, Caste: Pwner

Dear Suresh Kumar

I am happy to inform you that the Indian Institute of Pwnage has considered your application in the above post and the panel of illustrious judges has decided to award you with the "Pwnage of the week" award.

For the next one week, you can proclaim yourself to be of the "Pwner" caste. You shall be considered for the permanent "Pwner" caste status. In the event, that you dine with or marry (unsanctioned copulation permitted) a person of lower caste, this privilege shall be revoked.

Kindly contact us for any more details. Your Pwnage Certificate and specially crafted twice-pwned thread shall be mailed to you soon.

Dr. Mrs. Sunil Thodomal, Phd.
Learn how to Pwn! Let us PwN you!
Warning: Overexposure to Pwnage can lead to death or brain damage.

previously posted as an[sic] comment at:

Thursday, May 13, 2010

F.R.I.E.N.D.S aka Three Idiots

Dear Baby V,

I had three friends: one girl and two boys. Let us now, for the purpose of simplicity, refer to the girl as F1 and the boys as F2 and F3.

F1 and F2 were a couple, at one point in time, until F1 got bored and cheated on F2 with F3. F2 found out and proceeded, with heavy heart, to dump F1. It was apparent, even then, that F1 and F2 still had feelings for each other.

The friends moved on in life, going their separate ways…

… until they met again, at F2's marriage function (ah dhang you). After a long time, F1, F2 and F3 were in the same room.

F1 is devastated and needs help.
F3 moves on, searches and "finds next",
while F2, to this day, is useless and serves no popular purpose.


Puppy Manohar

Now Listening to : "Ebony and Ivory, living together in perfect harmony" (paraphrase)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Dead Body

We have more claims to the corpse of a loved one than our own.
Now isn't that ironic?
No it isn't.
Isn't it tragic?
No it isn't, Irony is not for every body. Live with it.
Pun is. Laugh.
Deconstruction is the last refuge of the satirist.
That's why post-modern architectures look like refugee camps.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Ask not what

Ask not what can your country do for you. Ask what kind of a cunt would redo a rhetorical speech endlessly to the point of cliche.

Ask not what can your country do for you. Ask what kind of a cunt would redo the same grammatical error of putting the verb before the object in indirect speech that he did when he was nine. Merely to make a silly pun on country-do. But was he wrong or can indirect speech be free? Wren and Martin, GFY'selves.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Sachin! Sachin!

Was invited to this:

Its high time to knight Sachin Tendulkar, it seems. In fact, its high to abolish the British monarchy.

In response to the countless "Tendulkar is God" claims. Here is a BHAJAN dedicated to our God, Tendulkar. Apologies to the real Sachin Tendulkar, the person - this is unfair to you.

Tendulkar is God, but i'm an atheist so go f!@#! yourself
Tendulkar is God? He should be abolished then.
Tendulkar is God, that's why he drives around in a tax free ferrari through a city that has probably the largest urban slum in the world. that's just the kind of bastigery thing a god would do inni?
Tendulkar is God but he is your creation.
Tendulkar is God, poor tendulkar. He isn't that old, unfair, evil and bad at his job.
Tendulkar is God, lets commit genocides under his name.
Tendulkar is God, How many more centuries (ah dhang you) will it take before you let him go.
Tendulkar is God, I dont know whom I hate more, him or his fans?
Tendulkar is God, Just like God perhaps his fans are much bigger f!@#tards than he is.
Tendulkar is God, which is why people stop doing any sort of constructive activity that may benefit them or their families directly and instead spend their time gazing at a facsimile of him in a metal and plastic box.
Tendulkar is God and what are you? his messenger? okay now you have given the message. now fuck off.
Tendulkar is God and just like a good God, he will never help you win.
Tendulkar is God, the louder you sing his praise the bigger tit you are.
Tendulkar is God, the more you worship him the lesser your chances of getting laid.
Tendulkar is God, he is as good at the restaurant business as God is with his creation.
Tendulakr is God, Drink Pepsi and go to heaven (sooner)
Tendulkar is God, Awesome! Can't wait for him to retire.
Tendulkar is God. His fans are the primary culprits in making his game an indecent, pervert atrocity.
Tendulkar is God. "Who is saying that? I don't know brother" - Dr. Zakir Naik.