UnidentifiedFlyingObjectException: The object can not be identified (and is flying)

Dear Puppy M

Always remember:

We must be the UFOs we are looking for.

Baby V.
P.S: "In maaaai life, I loved them all" - Pablo (cover Beatles)

The Way Things Were

Dear Baby Vaijayanti,

Thank you for your wonderful introduction to the world of Human Primary School Social Dynamics. It was a very enlightening read and it explains why you return from school looking very relieved.

On the other hand, I was appalled by your complete disregard for canine society. In fact, because of your arrogant dismissal of a supposedly "savage, anyone can do anything" social structure, I have decided to give you a little history lesson.

Before the days of domesticated dogs in middle-class homes, canine society in India existed in a state of anarchy. The canine population consisted almost entirely of local breeds, with a small migrant population made up of dogs forgotten or gifted by foreign travellers (eg Hiuen Tsang, Fa Hien etc.). Then, the Europeans arrived and brought with them Western Culture. One of the concepts of Western Culture that Indians found particularly fascinating was the concept of owning (not pwning. Baby, note the distinction) domesticated animals. Middle-class Indians now saw the owning (again, not pwnage) of domesticated animals as a status symbol. Owing to the increased demand, domesticated canines started arriving in India from the West.

Immediately, a class / culture war began. The Western Dogs (of whom I am a direct descendant), led by the German Shepherds and Alsaciens, began a "purebreed superiority" movement. The German dogs called this the "Sonnenhunde Uber Alles" or "Dogs of the Sun Above All" movement. Local dogs, unless they could exhibit an unmixed bloodline, were cast out to the streets (literally) and were left to devolve into hunter-gatherers. The Germans believed that this was the only way that these dogs of low birth would accept their inferiority. They said that if the mixed-breeds accepted their hunter-gatherer fate, they would be reborn as pure breeds in their next life.

Of course, things are not like that anymore. The common man is now beginning to accept mixed breeds into his home. Many dogs that were outside the social circle have now re-entered it. Not everyone is pleased with this. Some pure-breeds (and their owners) still refuse to accept this new social order. They use a variety of nasty words to demean these dogs. I will not repeat them here as I believe they are not fit for any company, polite or otherwise. I believe that all dogs are born equal and every dog, mixed- or pure-breed, has an equal right to a loving home.

I hope this post cleared a few things up for you.

Regards,

Puppy Manohar

"You ain't nothing but a hound dog" - Beatles / Others

Pup-lick Speaking

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Boys and Girls,

and my fellow canines,

There comes a time in a puppy's life where he (or she) has to stand up, grab the microphone and take center-stage.

My time is now.

Today, for my public speaking debut, I am going to talk about "change".

A wise person before me once said, and I paraphrase "d(change)/dt = 0". For all you calculus illiterates out there, this simply means that change is constant. I have since learned that there are other such constants, including but not limited to Death, Taxes and Australia winning the Cricket World Cup. We, however, are not concerned with these trivial things and we shall concentrate on Change.

In my limited years on this planet, I have seen the word "change" used in many forms. It has been used to refer to small coins that can choke a puppy such as myself, to denote the act of transformation, or as a verb, to transform something. I have also seen it appended to the name "Jackie" on the television and on large, glossy posters on the streets. As a result of this varied usage, you are now looking at a very confused puppy.

Speaking of puppy, who came up with that word? "Puppy"? Why do balding, German men refer to their complicated measuring devices as "puppies"? I fail to see the similarity between a Spectrum Analyzer and a canine. Spectrum Analyzers do not have ears. They do not have noses. They do not urinate on trees. Why, then, are they referred to as "puppies"? Some human behaviour I will never understand. Scratch that - most human behaviour I will never understand.

But back to the topic of this speak, i.e., "Change". Yes, now where was I before I digressed?

"Change" can be of two types - "Loose Change" and "Unwelcome Change" but these are fuzzy distinctions. Sometimes, loose change can be unwelcome change. To illustrate this point, imagine yourself (or your owner, if you are a canine) going to a grocery store. Now, a delicious snack is chosen and its price has been read from the compulsory "MSRP" label. Assuming this MSRP number is odd, usually a slightly larger amount is given to the store owner. Now, in the case of ( unwelcome change = loose change ) the owner will hand back several coins of small denominations, leaving the purchaser no choice but to make faces and put it in his or her pocket / wallet / handbag / purse or pouch. At this point, the coins will jingle every time a movement is made, much to the annoyance of the mover. This is a good example of the fuzziness of change. Many more examples can be found from the India Change Fellowship; we have 1000s of books and audio lectures on this subject.

With this, I end tonight's speech.

I look forward to interacting with you all during the after-speech cocktail party.

Thank you, and Happy No-Pants Day.
Of course, if you are a canine, every day is No Pants Day!

Have a good Evening!

(- Puppy Manohar)

"Tomorrow we can drive around this town and let the cops chase us around" - Gin Blossoms