Alternate Dictionary

Dear all,

Earlier, we gave you a bunch of words that had fallen out of use. This time, we present to you :

Obscure Alternate Meanings of Common Words

Alcohol To help someone pull a heavy load (I'll co haul)
Antagonist One who is committed to the extermination of ants (ant + gone)
Apparent A bad parent (a + parent)
Aromatic Not relating to the country of Italy (a + rome )
Ballistic A primitive sport like cricket (ball + stick)
Board To become like a pig (boar)
Branch A vegetarian meal consumed in the afternoon (variant of brunch)
Colander Someone who is on the same flight as you (co + lander)
Collateral Someone who is as late as you are (co + late)
Constellation A thief stealing from another thief (con + steal )
Contempt A bait for convicts ( con + tempt )
Cupboard Material used to make tupperware
Demeanor A person who demeans everything
Dentist A person who believes in banging into cars (dent)
Dictionary Relating to male genitalia
Dictum Portion of the body below the diaphragm and above the legs
Dinosaur Person with two noses (di + nose)
Economics The science of having one name (from Bangla)
Embargo A visit to places that serve alcohol (bar + go)
Etymology Art of reading time from the internet (e + time + ology)
Flatulent An apartment that has been leased (flat + lent)
Giraffe An animal chart (variant of graph)
Giraffe (Alt meaning) A social faux pas made by an elderly person (ger + gaffe)
Gypsum A small amount of cheating (gyp + some)
Idiosyncracy System of government where idiots and sinners rule (idiot + sin + cracy)
Intuition Currently teaching ( in + tuition)
Leguminous Having many legs (leg + many)
Liturgy The science of scattering rubbish (litter + gy)
Malice Queen louse ( ma + lice)
Masticate To glue everything (mass + stick)
Minimum An adolescent girl ( mini + mum)
Morbid Outbid someone at an auction (more + bid)
Morsel Mitosis / Meiosis ( more + cell )
Myriad Hairy (from Tamil for hair)
Mystical A tickle that failed (miss + tickle)
Pantry A workshop where trousers are mended (pant)
Prerogative Occupation prior to venturing into crime (pre + rogue)
Presumptuous Before a hearty meal (pre + sumptuous)
Programmer Supporter of the CGS system of units (pro + gram)
Refine To punish monetarily again (re + fine)
Reproach To dissect a segmented insect ( rip + roach )
Semaphore The number "2" (semi + four)
Syllabus A bus with silly advertisements on it (silly + bus)
Thesaurus The God of Dinosaurs ( theis + saur )
Toilet Just a little hard work (Toil)
Truncate To become an elephant (trunk)
Vendetta Time of procurement of a loan (when + debt)
Veneration The time something was spoken (when + narration)
Weed A plant that grows indoors (from Tamil for house)

Educate yourselves!

Regards,

Puppy M and Baby V

Authors' Note: Colonial Oppression is a topic of scholarship and a matter of great pride and appreciation for many people of various ethnicities and persuasions, across the world. We do not intend to criticise, mock or undermine the beliefs, the symbols and spirituality thereof. This post is a product of a random creative outburst, a central theme of the blog. If anyone finds this post offensive do inform us and we will remove it. A reason, though not mandatory, if provided, would be appreciated.

Pup-lick Speaking

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Boys and Girls,

and my fellow canines,

There comes a time in a puppy's life where he (or she) has to stand up, grab the microphone and take center-stage.

My time is now.

Today, for my public speaking debut, I am going to talk about "change".

A wise person before me once said, and I paraphrase "d(change)/dt = 0". For all you calculus illiterates out there, this simply means that change is constant. I have since learned that there are other such constants, including but not limited to Death, Taxes and Australia winning the Cricket World Cup. We, however, are not concerned with these trivial things and we shall concentrate on Change.

In my limited years on this planet, I have seen the word "change" used in many forms. It has been used to refer to small coins that can choke a puppy such as myself, to denote the act of transformation, or as a verb, to transform something. I have also seen it appended to the name "Jackie" on the television and on large, glossy posters on the streets. As a result of this varied usage, you are now looking at a very confused puppy.

Speaking of puppy, who came up with that word? "Puppy"? Why do balding, German men refer to their complicated measuring devices as "puppies"? I fail to see the similarity between a Spectrum Analyzer and a canine. Spectrum Analyzers do not have ears. They do not have noses. They do not urinate on trees. Why, then, are they referred to as "puppies"? Some human behaviour I will never understand. Scratch that - most human behaviour I will never understand.

But back to the topic of this speak, i.e., "Change". Yes, now where was I before I digressed?

"Change" can be of two types - "Loose Change" and "Unwelcome Change" but these are fuzzy distinctions. Sometimes, loose change can be unwelcome change. To illustrate this point, imagine yourself (or your owner, if you are a canine) going to a grocery store. Now, a delicious snack is chosen and its price has been read from the compulsory "MSRP" label. Assuming this MSRP number is odd, usually a slightly larger amount is given to the store owner. Now, in the case of ( unwelcome change = loose change ) the owner will hand back several coins of small denominations, leaving the purchaser no choice but to make faces and put it in his or her pocket / wallet / handbag / purse or pouch. At this point, the coins will jingle every time a movement is made, much to the annoyance of the mover. This is a good example of the fuzziness of change. Many more examples can be found from the India Change Fellowship; we have 1000s of books and audio lectures on this subject.

With this, I end tonight's speech.

I look forward to interacting with you all during the after-speech cocktail party.

Thank you, and Happy No-Pants Day.
Of course, if you are a canine, every day is No Pants Day!

Have a good Evening!

(- Puppy Manohar)

"Tomorrow we can drive around this town and let the cops chase us around" - Gin Blossoms