Monday, January 28, 2008

In LOL We Trust

a parking lol
a whole lotta lol
lol along the watchtower
inloluntary action

Lol of fame
The house is a loling don't bother knocking
Pay lol
the Loldives

Lol Sabha
Manlolan Singh
Road Safety PatLol
Border Patlol
spring lol

A Lolling stone gathers no moss
Lolsy compression
halol meats

Lola Rajpat Rai
Lol Bahadur Shastri

Lols of nature
Lolo Sapiens
lolitical party

Real Lolitik
Lolgic gates

Lolcal area network
calolific content
Maglolia Blvd
Steel Maglolias

On Palol
Standing Lolation
Can you increase the lolume, please?
Flolic acid

beauty parlol
Fidlol on the roof
What's lol got to do with it?

Don't think twice, it's lol right
Loling in the wind
Lol of the dice
lol before the storm
Lollow Man
Internet Protolol

Lol Street Journal
Dalol Street
Mirror Mirror on the Lol
Cos after all, you're my wonder lol
United we stand, divided we LOL


Friday, January 25, 2008

All that glitters.

Dear Puppy Manohar,

I wrote the following for my homework-essay, "All that glitters is not gold":

We bought the finest persian carpets, made by the prettiest fingers in the world. With fine tapestry and soft fabric. Whilst we slept and dreamt on the carpet, it flew and took us all around the world. The grandeur that the western winds showed us hypnotized us.Precious gems and gold filled our eyes. Greed filled our minds. Ambition engineered our hands in to wings.

As we flew around the prosperity with desire as our only map, I looked back east. Far away in the distance something glittered in the dark.I couldnt resist checking it out. The closer I drew, the brighter it shone. Gold! I couldnt believe after all, there was Gold in our land.For years, as we yearned for opulence, this was our time. Gold, after all.

I had to give up my wings to the western skies. They won't let their wings go away from them. I had long lost my carpet. But anyway, carpets dont fly eastwards. I decided to swim eastwards. I crossed jungles with hungry beasts. I fought blood thirsty storms. I negotiated with the adamant sun. Gold! it was. Anything for Gold. What is life but a quest for Gold.
And there it was just around the horizon, pure glittering, shining GOLD. It was all mine. I rushed madly towards it.

Well, it wasn't GOLD. It was something else...
All that glitters in not GOLD.

Baby V.
"Alright! But hear me and hear me well, the day will come, oh yes, mark my words Seinfeld, your day of reckoning is coming, when an evil wind will blow through your little playworld and wipe that smug smile off your face. And I'll be there in all my glory, watching, watching as it all comes crumbling down!" - Newman
P.S: I got 2 marks out of 10. WTF!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Alas, But Hurrah

Dear Ms. Tic, Unpredictable,

I hope this explains.

Alas, But Hurrah:

When all you need is a banian, and you only find a bra.
When you look up to relieve your back, and you see a shooting star.

When she thinks you're THE guy, but you only want some fun.
When no one gets the joke, when you make a lol-worthy pun.

You spend your weekend on fatty foods, when you wanted to play golf.
When you report a 100 bugs that you are asked to solve.

When you want to drive, but it's an automatic, with no gears.
When you want to listen to Slayer, but you only have Britney Spears.

When stuff like this happens to us
We cry and curse and swear;
And then we dance and laugh and sing
Alas, But Hurrah.

When you are really thirsty but all you have is wine,
When you want to chat with a hot girl but only KP is online.

You go online to find new flicks, the only one that works is Snatch;
When Sachin gets out on 4 but India wins the match.

When you are definitely correct, but you've still lost the bet;
When you want to check your orkut but you don't have internet.

When stuff like this happens to us
We cry and curse and swear;
And then we dance and laugh and sing
Alas, But Hurrah.

When you call her 'cos she broke up with you
and she answers with a "Hari Om",
You forgot the guitar at a friend's place, but KP is at home.

You write a super awesome post, but you don't edit it 'cos it's long;
You resolve to not write poems but come up with this song.

You leave your umbrella at home, and then it begins to rain.
You're on a date with an ultra hot babe, but she doesn't have a brain.

When stuff like this happens to us
We cry and curse and swear;
And then we dance and laugh and sing
Alas, But Hurrah.

You get the perfect wheelie, and then fall in a ditch
On chat she's really awesome, but in real life she's a b....

KP could have crashed the car but VAO what a swirl!!!
Few of them said "shave that ugly 'stache" and all of them were girls.

You hallucinate on the pills prescribed 'cos you were stung by a bee.
Why did I have to meet this douche? Wait I found the OPPOSITE of KP!

When stuff like this happens to us
We cry and curse and swear
And then we dance and laugh and sing
Alas, But Hurrah.

Hope that made things clear.


Baby V and Puppy M

"...Sont les [trois] mots qui vont très bien ensemble" - Paul McCartney / Beatles / Baby V / Puppy M

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Parting Shot

Dear Baby V,

After all the controversy surrounding the second test match, I'm surprised that this excerpt from the post match press conference has not been released.

Here it is, transcribed for your convenience.


Puppy Manohar

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog" - Anon

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Ode to the Indo-Australian Controversy

Dear Puppy,

The following is the speech that Mr. Iyengar gave as Chief Guest and Judge at "Australians: Boon (ah dhang you) or Bane" debate at Baby Vaijayanti's school.

There are a few things that I need to say in light of the current controversy surrounding the Indian tour of Australia. Considering the various events that have unfolded in the past few days, I have a few recommendations to the youth of today.

With Bhagwad Gita as my guide (looking uncomfortably at the catholic priest beside him), I shall infer from the fountainhead of divine knowledge and demonstrate how these ancient and eternal concepts can be employed in the contemporary world to achieve many a benefit.

a) Enterprise:

In today's economically liberalized society, no one doubts the significance of entrepreneurship. Proactivity equals survival. A proactive gentleman should always be on the look out for business opportunities. He must always have an attentive sense to every expression that translates to cash. Social hurdles like morality, popular resistance, farsighted critics, non-objectivists, slum-dwellers, tribals and repressed people a.k.a commie bastiges, stray dogs, parents and the opposite sex will impede his every enterprising step towards success. He should singlemindedly, perseveringly and, if the need arises, brutally, fight against these evils.

The Bhagwad Gita prescribes that the "Karma Yogi" (applause) should be a part of the world and yet disinterested, ambivalent and separate from its social problems. This might sound paradoxical but it is realizable. Whenever a social problem arises the "Karma Yogi" (applause), to whom I will hence forth refer to as KY (note: KY <> KP) and, for simplicity, assign the male gender, should make himself "aliptha" from his environment and keep doing his duty, which in our case is selfishness (refer: Howard Roark's speech, The Fountain Head - Ayn Rand).

In this particular scenario, I suggest we start a new company: "Burning Figures of Execrating Gents, International" aka "Burning FEG International". In South Asia and the Middle East the most popular form of protest is burning effigies. However, such genuine sentiments of the general public receive a setback when they can't find good effigies of people. For example, recently the loose mlechha, Richard Gere, publicly defamed one of our finest beauties. People needed his effigy to burn. Innovative gentlemen from well funded right wing parties managed to acquire one. However, most people, who clearly care about this issue, could not come out on the streets and protest on account of the dearth of Richard Gere effigies.

In today's world of advanced graphics and multimedia, it's a shame if ordinary people can not obtain Ricky Ponting effigies. Hence, I propose we start mass producing effigies of celebrities. The business model will be a JIT manufacture and distribution. Effigies of international political figures and controversial people will be mass produced and an inventory will be maintained, however, everything else will be just in time, just like homework and exam preparations (applause).

Investment? It is clear that celebrities like Ricky Ponting will be interested in investing in this firm. Ricky Ponting, Steve Bucknor are all well aware that such actions in future will invoke even more public anger. They will only benefit from investing in our company.

b) Military Action:

As Arjun lies in despair pondering with doubt at the sombre scene of battle at Kurukshetra, Krishna instructs him to go to war and kill the enemies of Dharma, even though they are his family. I urge the great Indian Nation State to invade Australia. It's high time, I say. We should just go in there and bomb them to the Stone Age whence they came. It's clear that we need a little more living space, 'Lebensraum' , for Indian people. A relatively rarefied Australian land will be the perfect subject. If we learnt anything from the great days of being the jewel in the crown of the British empire, it is that we have to utilize opportunities like this to perpetrate aggression against people. The barbaric lands of Australia lie, cheat and blaspheme. It is high time we roll the Dharma Chakra and reveal the truth there.

c) Linear Execution:

To solve the problem of bad umpiring and unjust adjudication, I propose that all Umpires and Match Referees should be made to stand in a line and shot.


Baby V

"Ricky don't lose that number. You don't wanna call nobody else." - Steely Dan

Sunday, January 06, 2008

The Way Things Were

Dear Baby Vaijayanti,

Thank you for your wonderful introduction to the world of Human Primary School Social Dynamics. It was a very enlightening read and it explains why you return from school looking very relieved.

On the other hand, I was appalled by your complete disregard for canine society. In fact, because of your arrogant dismissal of a supposedly "savage, anyone can do anything" social structure, I have decided to give you a little history lesson.

Before the days of domesticated dogs in middle-class homes, canine society in India existed in a state of anarchy. The canine population consisted almost entirely of local breeds, with a small migrant population made up of dogs forgotten or gifted by foreign travellers (eg Hiuen Tsang, Fa Hien etc.). Then, the Europeans arrived and brought with them Western Culture. One of the concepts of Western Culture that Indians found particularly fascinating was the concept of owning (not pwning. Baby, note the distinction) domesticated animals. Middle-class Indians now saw the owning (again, not pwnage) of domesticated animals as a status symbol. Owing to the increased demand, domesticated canines started arriving in India from the West.

Immediately, a class / culture war began. The Western Dogs (of whom I am a direct descendant), led by the German Shepherds and Alsaciens, began a "purebreed superiority" movement. The German dogs called this the "Sonnenhunde Uber Alles" or "Dogs of the Sun Above All" movement. Local dogs, unless they could exhibit an unmixed bloodline, were cast out to the streets (literally) and were left to devolve into hunter-gatherers. The Germans believed that this was the only way that these dogs of low birth would accept their inferiority. They said that if the mixed-breeds accepted their hunter-gatherer fate, they would be reborn as pure breeds in their next life.

Of course, things are not like that anymore. The common man is now beginning to accept mixed breeds into his home. Many dogs that were outside the social circle have now re-entered it. Not everyone is pleased with this. Some pure-breeds (and their owners) still refuse to accept this new social order. They use a variety of nasty words to demean these dogs. I will not repeat them here as I believe they are not fit for any company, polite or otherwise. I believe that all dogs are born equal and every dog, mixed- or pure-breed, has an equal right to a loving home.

I hope this post cleared a few things up for you.


Puppy Manohar

"You ain't nothing but a hound dog" - Beatles / Others