Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Stupidity: An Intellectual Property

Dear Puppy Manohar and respected members of the Canine Congress (ah dhang you),

Additionally, a joint research project of the WIPO and the United Nations University measuring the impact of IP systems on six Asian countries and (sic) found that "a positive correlation between the strengthening of the IP system and subsequent economic growth."
You might wonder why we are talking about Intellectual Property? Who cares? "Why are we talking about Intellectual Property? Who cares?", you would say. You might also ask why I put the adverb 'additionally' in the beginning. It is grammatically incorrect too, isn't it? Well, the answer to the last two questions is that I copy-pasted it from Wikipedia which had that term and I forgot to remove it.

Economic growth. Economic growth, my friends. The motivation behind all collective human effort. The reason why we have fine creations like the photo copier, the vanity plates and the Indian Railways. The ultimate reason why we all live. What would we be if it weren't for economic growth, so fuzzy, so ambiguous and yet so concrete and meaningful. Both at the same time. "Uncertainty Principle" as Heizenberg might call it or "Acintya Bheda bheda, Tatva" as Kula Shekar hypothesize.

"What is economic growth?", a reckless, naive youngster might ask. Economic growth is not a truck you just dump something on. You can not hold economic growth in your hands; you can not define it. It's like a fragrance. You can't explain it but you can feel it. You can only experience economic growth. I digress. (Hope that clarifies your doubt, Brother)

We are all unique. We were made that way. Hence, our thoughts are unique. Our ideas are unique. If you believe that you were meant to have the cake that you are eating, then you will agree with me that you were meant to have the ideas that you have. You truly own them. We all own our ideas. They are our intellectual property.

Human beings are born in sin, the ancestors of our Christian brothers proclaimed. They were right. Always remember, there is always a scientific reason behind the words of our ancestors. When we are born, we are born with a few ideas in our heads. Whose ideas are those? They are sure as hell not ours. They were invented by some human, whom we shall refer to as Mr. Muththu for better understanding. Effectively, we are stealing the ideas from him, from Muththu. Muththu, for the first time, thought of these things. And we don't even pay our tribute to him (or her).

Noam Chomsky, the father of modern linguistics who discovered language in the 1950s, theorizes that we are all born with an inborn mechanism to learn language. Well, do we own it? Of course not. Muththu owns it. Muththu invented language for the first time. And baby, he is angry. He is very angry. Nobody steals from Muththu.

Stupidity. We all do stupid things all the time. Some more than the others. We all have an innate capacity to commit stupidry. Some of us are gifted with marvelous skills in stupidry. Some others have to try hard. It's a wonder what the human animal can achieve if he doesn't put his mind to it. Who owns stupidity? Is stupidity commonly owned by all of humanity? I know, the mere mention of that takes us back to the Cold War. We know how that story ends.

Stupidity has to be owned by some one person or an organization with individual rights. The most obvious choice would be the inventor of Stupidity. Who invented stupidity? Muththu. Perhaps not the same Muththu who invented language. Perhaps someone else. Perhaps not Mutthu S. Perhaps, K Muththu. Perhaps not. But unfortunately, Muththu is not with us today. He is in Heaven (TM). The obvious logical step would be, well, Muththu's descendants should own stupidity. Like all property, this one should also be passed on to the next generation. So, who are Muththu's true descendants?

From the name, it's obvious that Muththu's descendants have to be the inhabitants of the Southernmost region of the Indian peninsula. The Thamizhans. Which other people can boast of being more stupid than the Thamizhans? Racist claim? Perhaps. Accurate? Certainly not. We have the xenophobic Maharashtrians, the belligerent Punjabis, the impulsive Bengalis, the warmongering Pashtuns, the isolationist Americans, the hypothetical Aryans, the conniving Chinese, the chosen Jews, the hunting and gathering Intuits, the extinct Easter Islanders, the confused Macaulayite Indians. We all can claim descent from Muththu. We all are equally stupid.

So how do we, in fact, find who owns stupidity.? This will be the major question of the 21st century. The fate of mankind depends on this question.

Baby V.
"Its the economy, Stupid"- Bill Clinton (TM)
P.S: farging laundry.

Monday, April 14, 2008

It's About Time

Dearest Baby V,

In the course of my relatively short existence on this planet, I have seen and heard a lot of things. Some of them make sense to my under-evolved canine brain and some of them don't. There are some issues that bother human civilization that seem to not have any clear solution. But this letter is with regard to a problem that does have a solution.

I have heard humans complain every once in a while about a thing/person/idea that has not "passed the test of time". The test of time seems to be a benchmark for anything. There are a lot of human saying, across cultures even, that refer to time.

Anyway, I seem to be beating around the metaphorical bush again (better than you-know-what-ing on it, lolz). Let me get back to the point.

It is my humble opinion that, to build a better society, it is necessary to completely restructure the present educational system. The present system encourages rote learning and stifles creativity. I think this is due to the examination process.

I propose the new "Test of Time" examination system. In these tests, students are given a limited amount of marks in which they attempt to score maximum time. It is obviously easy to lose time and hard to gain time (proof: A fool and his gold are soon parted. Time = money. Gold = money. Hence Gold = Time. This proves that Fools lose time and hence do not pass the Test of Time). This is clearly a revolutionary idea and may be too radical for some, but it is necessary to create a generation who can, quite literally, stand the Test of Time.

Warmest Regards,

Puppy Manohar

"Only time will tell if we stand the test of time" - Sammy Hagar

PS: Don't you bastiges even think of stealing my idea. It's an original, you hear me? I'm going to patent it, write a series of self-help books and be rich beyond my wildest dreams.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

A Public Service Announcement

Dear KP (alias el KPtan) and Pri (alias Bengloorgirlindenver),

It is with epiphanous shock that Baby V and I bring this announcement to you. From this day forth, we ( Baby V and I ) declare both of you to be the same person.

This conclusion was arrived at in rather sudden fashion. In the course of our daily discussions, we (Baby V and I) realised that there was a distinctly KPesque tone to your correspondences. Upon further discussion, some facts about you became clear.

Both of you live in Houston ----> (1)

There is a mysterious relationship between Ma' Man JC and His Big Daddy. They are both different in that JC iz da werd made flesh and Big Daddy is da idea. -------> (2)

From (1) and (2) we get that Pri and KP are the same person, to be addressed henceforth as KPri.

The third, and perhaps most compelling, bit of evidence is that neither of us has seen both of you together.

This day shall mark the beginning of our Pilot Program. For the sake of administrative efficiency, all correspondences hitherto addressed to KP / Pri shall be addressed to KPri.

Thank you for your co-operation,

Puppy M and Baby V

"Tonight is the night when 2 become 1" - Spice Girls

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Mental, Perhaps?

Dear Puppy Manohar and Baby V,

I feel there has to be an elaborate caste system or some type of hierarchy in all alphabets. English (roman?) alphabet is superior to all alphabets. It is discerning. It differentiates upper class alphabet from the inferior lower class. If script is egalitarian then thoughts will be egalitarian. And who has egalitarian thoughts? Correct, commie bastiges, terrorist islamists and dalit panthers.

But I propose that a 2 class system for alphabet is insufficient. We need to have an extensive caste system. For ex., the actual content which has the information in an expression should be all lower case. It's unimportant. Language wouldn't have existed if we needed simple expressions like, "Baby, get me water" (No, seriously. Baby, you are old enough. Do some work. Get me water) Most of the time all we have to say can be described in 2-3 words. Language was, one day long forgotten in the past, invented by wise sages so that simple, elementary expressions of man can be surrounded with a whole lot of absolutely redundant rubbish.

Hence the meaning, which is as I explained above, secondary, should be the lower case. The middle case should be for words to the effect of "you know..", "I mean..", "sort of", "like" which are like business classes of words. They strike deals between ideas. They compare, unite, "bring to the table", negotiate with 2 otherwise orthogonal ideas. This class should not be confused with words which have figures of speech.

Slightly higher up in the ladder comes the case for silent letters, accents or other such gay stuff. Such manifestations of the terpsichorean muse add charm to a sentence. It adds culture to it. These are important words. They have no meaning and no place in the sentence but they are important to keep the reader interested.

The higher warrior caste of course is the equivalent of the English uppercase. The nobility should be given a very high status. They might seem unimportant and utterly useless to the naive. They are important for the higher good. We all know what the basic tendency of letters is. They will all try to start the sentence or start a proper name. God forbid, the lowest class, that of content ever tries to presume any name or even militates to start a sentence. That would be anarchy. Readers would be confused. That would take mankind back to the Stone Age. Kill. Eat. Drink. That's it.

Then comes the highest of all, priestly class: the clergy of letters. These should be for the first letters of words like "hence", "and there fore", "of course". Anything with logic in it. Which other class can boast of such logical prowess as the priestly class? They are the intellectuals. They would serve the warrior caste of words and the merchants. They determine the meaning of an expression and they decide where the meaning will go.

Your daddy.
Yes I stole your intellectual property right.
Who's the daddy now?

"I carry the torch that trembles the mountain" - Shadow Gallery