Sur mila nahi kisiko

Disclaimer: The post has offensive language and is in general unfair to poor undeserving celebrities. The author is a mad angry person and people who think its too unfair on the poor celebrities can go farg themselves. The author is nothing if not morally inconsistent to the point of borderline mental illness.

Acknowledgement: AIOTM (aiotm!)
http://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/as_it_occurs_to_me/

Listening to Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara, and here are some thoughts:

Trying to rejuvenate the memories by digging up graves and then pissing on them. Missing the point entirely, screaming and wriggling around madly like mutant monkeys.

Any way, I propose a new music video with representatives of LeT, CPI ML, PWG, Al Qaeda, Shiv Sena, Bajrang Dal and such other extremist militants putting on their best traditional clothes and singing, "Mile Sur Mera Tumhara" interspersed with explosions and rifle fire. That too will be less of an atrocity than Zoom TV and Times of India's new cool sassy and sexy anthem for the new generation that will be largely ignored and almost unanimously hated.

Pardon my french but:
Sur mila hi nahi hai kisiko, sur milne do pehle aur phir humara aur tumhara sur milate hein.

Also loved SRK's expression where he is trying hard to fart out his unfound Sur from his behind. Wonder if it would have been better for national integrity if he would have died of a rare attack of anal thrombosis whilst trying to fart out the constipated 'sur' he was trying to integrate with the others'. That way this monstrosity would have been stopped and so would other horrible movies (but that would be a bonus. nation first).

Deepika Padukone could have sung in Konkani but she did not. She stuck to lingering around pointlessly in outrageous (not for their skimpiness but for their sheer ugliness) clothing at best incongruent to the ambience and lip-syncing in a strange incongruent language making the viewer wonder if it would have best for national integrity if she would have drowned in that river and thus preempted this doomed project which if any thing promotes thoughts of sedition and insurgency in young impressionable minds incensed by its lamery.

Or if the Kapoor boy, would have fallen off from the cliff while his crew members let him bleed to death whilst singing the national anthem and saluting him for his martyrdom, knowing fully well that his small sacrifice would save the young kids of the country from watching this incredible abomination.

Or if Amitabh Bachhan would have undergone a nervous break down and would subsequently only say, "Jao jake usse sign leke aao jisne mere haath par yeh likh diya tha" (text on his hands:- 'Im a cock juggling thunder-cunt') and other such old dialogues again and again and again for the rest of his life trying to recreate the magic he will NEVER ever be able to recreate. (I am not a fan. He is a cunt. Except ofcourse, deewar and sholay. and namak haram. and anand. and kala pathhar. and zameer. and zanjeer. aah who am i kidding. he is a cunt but he is my cunt. wait what?..)

Or if a 'Madrassi', yes thats right, I said 'Madrassi' rickshaw-wala would run over Surya whilst loudly playing "Aitalaka aitalaka" and angrily lambasting the crew members, "Vootla solta vantiya?" killing Surya instantly.

Or if Aishwarya Rai and Abhishekh Bachchan would shoot each other on screen whilst criticising each other for being vain, arrogant and lets face it quite visually repulsive and physically ugly by all but objective standards.

Or if Amjad Ali Khan would admit on record that he killed Ustad Ali Akbar Khan with the help of his talentless sons who might not be great musicians but certainly are prolific murderers.

Or if Shivkumar Sharma and his dick son would scream out, "Hum Kya Chahte? AZADI!" and then blow up the place proving that they were Hizbul Mujahideen operatives all along, provoking award winning journalist and fucking idiot Pranay Roy to say, "Didn't I tell you. All Kashmiris are terrorists" only to be given the Gujarat Gaurav Award for excellence in Journalism and service of cuntry [sic]

Or if the same speech impaired children would collectively come to the realization that together they were much stronger than the artificially fattened and genetically engineered Salman Khan and would then overpower him and cut off his tongue making him realize the hard way how wrong and offensive his dismal attempts at trying to mime a sign language. Leaving him more expression less than he already is.

Of if Ehsan and Loy would be caught on camera saying, "Look we are playing the same chord..and you know why? cos Indian Classical music is monotonous and uninteresting." creating a huge controversy with the Shiv Sena ransacking all Times of India offices for being agents of Western Culture devastating Bennett and Coleman company forcing the owners to penury putting an end to all that is bad in journalism.

Or if Zakir Hussain and his brother were to bully and beat up their younger brother for being the worst percussionist in the Allah Rakha family.

Or if Rashid Khan (the mustached guy clad in green who has a crooked face due to years of singing from his left cheek) were to publicly declare whilst on set "Hindustani music has no future, I got them blues" and start a crusade to once and for all destroy the North Indian Musical tradition that he thinks is humbug if anything.

Or if the 2 Kulkarni kids who are not married nor siblings but still look similar (because all Maharashtrians ultimately look the same! Yes thats right. I said it, all maharashtrian look the same. The educated ones try to hide it by using recently learnt GRE words, but whom are they kidding) If they were to make sweet sweet love on screen whilst being told by a woman who proclaims to be their mother (and in reality the mother of all that is maharashtrian solving the question that riddled scientists for centuries: why are all maharashtrians congruent) that they are but siblings. The proud mother, Mrs. Savitribai Kulkarni later proclaims, "It is but a small sacrifice for the Empire. The maratha empire. We want our empire back! R.S.S! R.S.S!"

Or if the Gujrathi guy whoever the farg he is says, "Screw India. I am going to the US! You guys suck!"

That would do much more for National Integrity and help preserve it than the atrocious facile monstrosity that is the Zoom TV's craftwork. This at best an insurgent propaganda and promotes hatred for ones country, its culture, its people and its diversity which it has described lamely and stupidly and at worst a contemptuous disdain for our merry childhood made by a bunch of talentless cunts who are trying to say, "Since we were not successful in raping you anally while you were still a kid, let us at least destroy your memories and puke on all that makes you nostalgic".


Happy Republic Day