Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Sur mila nahi kisiko

Disclaimer: The post has offensive language and is in general unfair to poor undeserving celebrities. The author is a mad angry person and people who think its too unfair on the poor celebrities can go farg themselves. The author is nothing if not morally inconsistent to the point of borderline mental illness.

Acknowledgement: AIOTM (aiotm!)
http://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/as_it_occurs_to_me/

Listening to Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara, and here are some thoughts:

Trying to rejuvenate the memories by digging up graves and then pissing on them. Missing the point entirely, screaming and wriggling around madly like mutant monkeys.

Any way, I propose a new music video with representatives of LeT, CPI ML, PWG, Al Qaeda, Shiv Sena, Bajrang Dal and such other extremist militants putting on their best traditional clothes and singing, "Mile Sur Mera Tumhara" interspersed with explosions and rifle fire. That too will be less of an atrocity than Zoom TV and Times of India's new cool sassy and sexy anthem for the new generation that will be largely ignored and almost unanimously hated.

Pardon my french but:
Sur mila hi nahi hai kisiko, sur milne do pehle aur phir humara aur tumhara sur milate hein.

Also loved SRK's expression where he is trying hard to fart out his unfound Sur from his behind. Wonder if it would have been better for national integrity if he would have died of a rare attack of anal thrombosis whilst trying to fart out the constipated 'sur' he was trying to integrate with the others'. That way this monstrosity would have been stopped and so would other horrible movies (but that would be a bonus. nation first).

Deepika Padukone could have sung in Konkani but she did not. She stuck to lingering around pointlessly in outrageous (not for their skimpiness but for their sheer ugliness) clothing at best incongruent to the ambience and lip-syncing in a strange incongruent language making the viewer wonder if it would have best for national integrity if she would have drowned in that river and thus preempted this doomed project which if any thing promotes thoughts of sedition and insurgency in young impressionable minds incensed by its lamery.

Or if the Kapoor boy, would have fallen off from the cliff while his crew members let him bleed to death whilst singing the national anthem and saluting him for his martyrdom, knowing fully well that his small sacrifice would save the young kids of the country from watching this incredible abomination.

Or if Amitabh Bachhan would have undergone a nervous break down and would subsequently only say, "Jao jake usse sign leke aao jisne mere haath par yeh likh diya tha" (text on his hands:- 'Im a cock juggling thunder-cunt') and other such old dialogues again and again and again for the rest of his life trying to recreate the magic he will NEVER ever be able to recreate. (I am not a fan. He is a cunt. Except ofcourse, deewar and sholay. and namak haram. and anand. and kala pathhar. and zameer. and zanjeer. aah who am i kidding. he is a cunt but he is my cunt. wait what?..)

Or if a 'Madrassi', yes thats right, I said 'Madrassi' rickshaw-wala would run over Surya whilst loudly playing "Aitalaka aitalaka" and angrily lambasting the crew members, "Vootla solta vantiya?" killing Surya instantly.

Or if Aishwarya Rai and Abhishekh Bachchan would shoot each other on screen whilst criticising each other for being vain, arrogant and lets face it quite visually repulsive and physically ugly by all but objective standards.

Or if Amjad Ali Khan would admit on record that he killed Ustad Ali Akbar Khan with the help of his talentless sons who might not be great musicians but certainly are prolific murderers.

Or if Shivkumar Sharma and his dick son would scream out, "Hum Kya Chahte? AZADI!" and then blow up the place proving that they were Hizbul Mujahideen operatives all along, provoking award winning journalist and fucking idiot Pranay Roy to say, "Didn't I tell you. All Kashmiris are terrorists" only to be given the Gujarat Gaurav Award for excellence in Journalism and service of cuntry [sic]

Or if the same speech impaired children would collectively come to the realization that together they were much stronger than the artificially fattened and genetically engineered Salman Khan and would then overpower him and cut off his tongue making him realize the hard way how wrong and offensive his dismal attempts at trying to mime a sign language. Leaving him more expression less than he already is.

Of if Ehsan and Loy would be caught on camera saying, "Look we are playing the same chord..and you know why? cos Indian Classical music is monotonous and uninteresting." creating a huge controversy with the Shiv Sena ransacking all Times of India offices for being agents of Western Culture devastating Bennett and Coleman company forcing the owners to penury putting an end to all that is bad in journalism.

Or if Zakir Hussain and his brother were to bully and beat up their younger brother for being the worst percussionist in the Allah Rakha family.

Or if Rashid Khan (the mustached guy clad in green who has a crooked face due to years of singing from his left cheek) were to publicly declare whilst on set "Hindustani music has no future, I got them blues" and start a crusade to once and for all destroy the North Indian Musical tradition that he thinks is humbug if anything.

Or if the 2 Kulkarni kids who are not married nor siblings but still look similar (because all Maharashtrians ultimately look the same! Yes thats right. I said it, all maharashtrian look the same. The educated ones try to hide it by using recently learnt GRE words, but whom are they kidding) If they were to make sweet sweet love on screen whilst being told by a woman who proclaims to be their mother (and in reality the mother of all that is maharashtrian solving the question that riddled scientists for centuries: why are all maharashtrians congruent) that they are but siblings. The proud mother, Mrs. Savitribai Kulkarni later proclaims, "It is but a small sacrifice for the Empire. The maratha empire. We want our empire back! R.S.S! R.S.S!"

Or if the Gujrathi guy whoever the farg he is says, "Screw India. I am going to the US! You guys suck!"

That would do much more for National Integrity and help preserve it than the atrocious facile monstrosity that is the Zoom TV's craftwork. This at best an insurgent propaganda and promotes hatred for ones country, its culture, its people and its diversity which it has described lamely and stupidly and at worst a contemptuous disdain for our merry childhood made by a bunch of talentless cunts who are trying to say, "Since we were not successful in raping you anally while you were still a kid, let us at least destroy your memories and puke on all that makes you nostalgic".


Happy Republic Day

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well the only mode of payment accepted on this post is commentary.

If you read this blog, enjoyed it and did not comment, then you are fucking free-loader.

That's right. I said fuck. Just so that you know the reason why are not profane is not because we aer afraid of mythical ethical norms set by insane 5th century nutjob Manu or his dick descendents nor his other religious counterparts. Profanity is welcome on this blog but probably will not be resorted to.

So comment bastiges. Comment. Otherwise we take it that you don't like it. Yes insecurity of middle age is creeping. Don't care attitude of youth is gone with the death of youth.

But don't take too much liberty cos we still dont give a fuck what you think. Its just nice to know it.

Kappa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kappa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar said...

This is what the juhu resident and barely literate KP posted and then sheepishly deleted like the twat he is:



yes can you please stop commenting on yr own blog
its ridiculous

P.see..i obv love this blog

and way better than any other "mile sur.." blog

but at the end of the day it is still a lame 3 minute video made by bollywood...do you really care?

i am saying this cause i know no one cares

and primarily,

ARE U A FAN OF "PUBLIC" OPINIONS????????





Dear KP - Go fuck yourself.

Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar said...

A few of the terms and styles have been stolen from Richard Herring. If you particularly like something on this post, do ask and we shall let you know if it was stolen and hence you can on your part freely perpetuate the grotesque plagiarism OR if its an original Baby V Puppy M (tm) in which case ...

Puppy Manohar said...

Dear Baby V,

BUT HAO did you configure blogger to send puppymanohar comments to my email?

HAO??

Regards,

Puppy Manohar

Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar said...

I did that only to capture KP's che00thiya comments before he Karan Patel deletes them.

Parijat said...

"...anthem for the new generation that will be largely ignored and almost unanimously hated."

Isn't it hard to hate something while you are also ignoring it?

:P

narendra shenoy said...

Kickass post!

Aparna said...

Hysterical. Please delete nasty commentary on illustrious Marathi breed, else will have no choice but to send loud people with sharp objects to your current physical residence.

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute...Aparna..

Are you making nasty comments on the illustrious Marathi breed by implying that all they do is attack people's residences with sharp objects?

In which case, you are right. That's all they all do. Yes thats right...all of them. Not some Marathi people or as they are rightly called "Maharashtrians"- not some, everyone. Each and every one is naturally selected to take sharp objects to peoples residents. All. Let not the liberal media fool you in to believing that some Maharashtrians are sharpobject residence attackers. All of them are.

Anonymous said...

@Parijat: No it isn't.
Predictable retort: I hate your comment and simultaneously ignore it. I didn't even read it. The fact that you commented, pisses me off and yet I ignore it. Its possible.

also, please do comment. your comments are precious. although, they will be hated and ignored.

so here we go. its possible to hate, ignore and simultaneously crave for something.

Parijat said...

I'm nitpicking here but you hate the fact that I posted the comment but ignore the comment itself. Therefore the hate is directed at something/someone else completely. You can hate me for posting the comment but cannot actually hate the comment while ignoring it. The process of hating itself involves thinking about it - precluding the ability to ignore it.

Your turn.

Anonymous said...

Beta Trust me. I repeat. I hate, ignore and await your comments (thanks for reading) simultaneously. I don't particularly hate you, but why not. I shall do that too if you insist and ignore you simultaneously. Thanks for reading the blog btw.

Anonymous said...

for example, from your post : http://onlyparijat.blogspot.com/2009/03/ban-varun-gandhi.html

Its clear that you
1) Hate Mayawati's dalit representation politics.
2) clearly know jack shit about it. Which emanates from the fact that you also ignore it.

So you hate it and you ignore it. Simultaneously.

To elaborate: The process of hating as you incorrectly presume does NOT involve thinking. It in fact is a manipulation of primal instincts of human which are quite easily taken for a ride by social indoctrination and other such things.

In my case, my irrational hatred for your comments is the irrational belief that if you read and like our blog you probably are a reactionary, upper caste, middle class, twit who thinks he/she is cool. like that other fucker - "Escape Great Escape"

Anonymous said...

Parijat - Thanks for reading, though. Its nice of you to have commented and read the post. Comments motivate us and inform us that people are paying heed to our rants and raves.

Parijat said...

Not knowing about something is not equivalent to "ignoring it". You are confusing lack of comprehension and lack of attention.

In your case, of course, I now see that you can hate the comment even without reading it.

Anonymous said...

Yay! Bravo you cracked it:

"In your case, of course, I now see that you can hate the comment even without reading it."

Correct. And why do you think I don't read it? Because ...I ignore it!

ignore and hate. hate and ignore. simultaneously.

thanks for reading though

Parijat said...

On the contrary, I've only accepted that in principle you could hate it without reading it. However, your responses being reasoned (well almost) answers to the contents of my comments implies that you actually read them (and not ignored them).

Anonymous said...

Yes that is right. You got me there. I did not ignore the comments. I read them carefully.

I wish you could have said that in your second comment rather than going in to the insane "equivalence" and some pretentious non sequiturs.

Thanks for reading though.

Shankar Narayan said...

my take on this video.

As a kid I remember I could sing in 15 languages, understand that in the same country I lived, there was a woman, who dint wear the Saree the same way my mother wore it, was amazed by the fact that there can be so many musical instruments. As I grew up, the same song taught me some subtle concepts of Unity, Diversity, Differences and most importantly how although with these differences, we were still a single country.

The whole concept of kids running and making the Indian flag was so captivating that my mom reminds me that I, in my bear essentials, ran singing this very song with a plantain leaf as a my fluttering tricolour flag. This song captured the hearts of all Indians in one stroke, taught them all that the constiution speaks of, gave the underprivileged ones who could not travel a glimpse of the beautiful Country we live in. this song Mille Sur Mera Thumara was nothing but a well designed piece of Art.

Why a new one then ? My mind does not stop asking me this. What ever went wrong with the old one ? During the days when we dint have internet, I would wait watching Doordarshan just to get glimpses of what I experienced as a kid. On the local trains every time I heard this tune announce a call, I never missed those few, but regular smiling faces. What was wrong with the old one ( as much as I hate calling it that!) that a decision to make a newer one seemed necessary ? I cant figure it out.

The new one ( gosh!) does no of the things the old one did. It speaks not of Uniting the country but is a showcase of the so called beauties India is produced. No doubt they are beautiful but their beauty can never be compared to the “true Beauty” of the old one. Indian Culture which we are so heavily trying to smoke out thinking the honey lies in “westernizing” things. The new one has tried so hard to kill patriotism and in my opinion has succeeded very well in doing so.

I remember this one time while I was travelling, a foreigner asked me if it was possible to experience all of India in a single lifetime. To that my only answer was to watch this clip and his understanding of this phenomenon called India would be a little more clear. This older one was perhaps the only piece that one could show to a foreign audience, explain to them what Living a life so tied with culture meant.

The new one is perhaps the greatest disgrace, a black mark on what India truly is. Lets not get into asking what kind of an audience Zoom caters to.

http://notnarayan.wordpress.com

Anonymous said...

Dear Shankar Narayan

What a disingenuous tirade of absolute dishonest crap is that. The fuckall revisionist orthodox "old is gold" uncle attitude of your above post persuades me to write another post which I was so bored of doing.


Thanks for commenting though.

Baby V

Crownish said...

whoa, this post says it right!

I was disgusted with Aamir khan's 15 seconds in the video. Balanced out his life's work.