Wednesday, November 28, 2007

When I Grow Up...

Dear All,

Baby and I overheard the neighbours having an argument loud discussion while on my daily walk. Below is a transcription:

I want to be sacred, just like the cow.
I know you do, beta, but why, and how?
Why? So people will worship me
And give me stuff and things for free.

But yet, others will kill you and eat your meat,
Or use your skin to wear on their feet.
Ah yes, that part I haven't figured out yet
But I'll come up with a solution, do you want to bet?

But how about people touching and worshipping you like noobs?
And other ape-like creatures pressing your boobs?
You will have to stand in your own faeces.
Hormones injected on a regular basis?

Ah, you're such a pessimist, dad.
I'm sure it's a blast - a lot of fun can be had.
If I get free food and sarees of silk,
What's the harm in giving a little milk?

But that's a very narrow-minded point of view.
Well, son, why be a cow you can be a man and do that too?
You can dress up like a girl and go on dates with boys;
A few years ago even I made that choice.

I like lipstick, sarees and incessant talk;
I like to feel insecure and listen to 80s soft rock.
I am an optimist, I'd look at my own species, rather.
Grow up beta! Be a woman! Like your father.

Gee,dad, you are such an inspiration.
I don't see any gap between our generation(s).
I'm going to go now, and heed your advice.
But first, it's time to make jeera rice.

After that, I'll start to transform
And begin to defy the societal norm.
After all, it's possible in the modern day
For a boy to dress as a girl, and not be gay.

Daddy dear, I see the light now -
I'd rather be a girl, and not a cow.
Why only girl? You can be a stapling machine, though it's tough.
You have to selflessly pin people's things up.

You have to work all day and stare all night,
And always open up (never sit tight).
But there will be an occasional moment of joy so forgotten,
When you'll promptly get to stick to some random chick's bottom.

Or you can be a sailor, a whaler or the captain's sword,
Or a midshipman, overboard.
Wow, dad, that's a lot of choice
But I think I'll be a strange girl who dates strange boys.
And then I'll say "No one understands me."
"Stop your bothering, let me be."

Yes, that's like my boy, now you are thinking,
You don't need me to stop your ship from sinking.
No probs homie, do whatever meets your end.
But, don't forget, I am not only your father - I am also your transgender friend.


Enough of this doggerel. Back to your regular programming.


Puppy M and Baby V

"What about your daughter, do you give a damn?" - Mattias "IA" Ekhlund / Freak Kitchen


unpredictable said...

all that talent and where to go? Alas! But worry not, cause I have channeled single women towards this talentpool and shall continue in my worthwhile endeavour :D

Chinu-fish said...

Dearn Puppy Manohar,

Why be a cow, when you can be a selector of Indian cricket?,
You get to earn & soend lavishly without having a brain-cell ticket,

You will get the life-time opportunity to screw careers,
Never will you have to shed your own tears,

As a selector you'll be the center-stage of all ceremonies in Cricket,
And will have loads of un-noticed shit-ful of bucket,

You can threaten players with a loads of crap-ful of gallon,
Until one day a big wild crow will uproot your balls with its talon.

Former aquatic talent agency specialist,

Renovatio said...

Dear Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar.
This stuff is brilliant, and you've gained a true fan in me. I shall be back. Often.

Kappa said...

Or you could grow up to be a true fan like the one above
waste time, do nothing and idolize everyone you meet
But that means I'll have to take loads of shit from everyone
Yes my boy and if you like it perhaps you should think of becoming a toilet.

Wow, dad you're the best dad ever
And i will wear silk robes and go to work
I'll install a computer automated flush handle on me
Not like those push down "crappy toilets" (ah dhang you)

"I could have been of these things first"--- Garden state soundtrack

Anonymous said...

KP ...that was figurative par excellence as usual but ur rhyming scheme is abab ours was aabb...PWNED! LOLZ


kp said...

Al right , the next award is for the the best rhyming performance in the Occupation category

Here are the nominees

Baby V: This guy does not need an introduction. With 10 years experience in Rhyming and holder of 6 Rhyme Chime Awards and an AABB certified Rhymer, this guy is young, hot , talented and a homophobe, a rhymer for the classes as well as the masses, he dreams of becoming a baby girl someday, he is no other than Bayyybeee Vaiiijayantiiiii


Our next nominee, ladies and gentleman is
KP : (Pauses, thinks in his head
Hey who the fuck is this guy..what the.. i have never even heard of him.. shit i'll have to make stuff up)

All right he is new, making a mark with an attitude that say who cares
whether its abab or aabb or aaaa, its only rhyming. Besides most of the times he does not even rhyme at all. Trust me you will be shocked if he wins. He is Kayypeeeee.

Now to present our award. We dont want to be bias so I am gonna bring in Baby's parter Puppy Manohar

Coming up next...
Where to find the cheesiest pizza in town
Also a raccoon steals a dog muzzle in Fresno
Two men armed with AK 47 steal 5000 pounds of chicken from the local butcher shop
Winner of the 2007 Rhyme Chime awards

But first, a word from our sponsors

Stick around , its all coming up next on Crap TV