Friday, November 30, 2007

Western Culture

Dearest Vaijayanthi and not so dear yet wokay wokay types dear Puppy Manohar,

It is time I let you know this. Be careful of the influence of Western Culture. You will soon grow up and you will come face to face (vis-a-vis?) with such predominantly western ideas as love, freedom, liberty, reason, democracy, anarcho-syndicalism and homosexuality. It is very important that you be wary of imbibing such values no matter how fashionable they may seem.

Our ancestors were great. For the last 4000 years we have fought invaders, resisted colonialism, disobeyed racially superior but karmically inferior races of lighter skin, flushed out pure mlechhas from bharat-varsha, killed rakhsas and married their beautiful consorts, destroyed asuras, tamed mythical beasts of little scientific credibility, invented deadly weapons with clearly fantastic powers and modern correlations.

Our ancestors were great.

And did you ever hear the word LOVE from them? Freedom? Liberty? (boy that word itself is 'gay', speaking of which..) Homosexuality? Mutual Pleasure during sexual intercourse? (which Kama Sutra talks of, a clearly secular and disposable text - A product of Indo-Greek-Gandhar-Let'shavesexbabyculture confluence) No, you did not.

Why? Because you cannot read Sanskrit and as a woman (and dog) you should refrain from that endeavour? NO. Because they never wrote such things.

Such ideas are well-suited for "their" culture of barbarism. It's simple evolution (which our ancestors discovered long back. Guess who doesn't believe?) Their cold climate, non-tropical environment, temperate forests and other such environmental factors have led to development of such values. They are perfect for people who have evolved there. Not us, baby. We are tropical people. The ways of our ancestors alone will lead us to salvation aka Moksha. It's simple science of evolution.

Think about it.

Your Loving Father,
Mr. Iyengar.

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more."
1 800 LOVE
Call us, you clearly are misled.


Koko Kola Bear said...

Welcome back ladies and gentleman for our 1 minute special on CRAP TV.

Breaking Headlines:

A new post of Baby v / Puppy has caused Fancesticide in many a culture.

25 men gathered around Century Park at midnight to sing Happy Birthday after a candle factory burnt down. "Coincidentially it was the factory's 100th anniversary"

Coming up next

A carrot eating horse causes a havoc in the local rabbit farm

A man in China swallows a Grey Goose to get high

2 men jump into a pool after they see a woman driving their car

Its all next, but first a word from our "Administrators".

Renovatio said...

Come now, at least have enough faith in the driving of women to admit that she'd be able to aim the car into the pool to join the two men?

bobby the barbarian said...

dear mr. iyengar,

u rightly point out to the nasty ideas that the westerners have of love, freedom,
reason, democracy etc. But u r being unfair to them, when u miss to point out the good qualities in them. like wiping out of whole Indian race to establish a new country, as in the USA, or exterminating a million jews at one go, or for that matter invading countries and killing people for spreading democracy.

they deserve more credit than u give them, dont u agree?

Escape.... Great Escape said...

Tropical climates Mr Iyengar... ?
bb bbbb but.. South America ?... wasnt thta where teh gay pride parade first started ?

BTW.. there is one Mr Iyengar who is the first to show homophobic tendenciesin Thamizh Cinema... The esteemed Kamal Hassan..

Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar said...

Dearest Robert,

You are right. Westerners do deserve some credit for the aforementioned deeds. Fabulous, fabulous white people! (Oh how wretched the world would be if they werent to rule us and bring civilization to our heathen lands)

Are you a member of the western civilization? Do you feel left alone by Self-centered Individualism. Do you detest the pointless craving materialism of your culture? Do you feel Ayn Rand was a bitch and Adam Smith, just another pompous Brit with bad dental hygiene?. Do you think Churchill could have done better with fewer calories?

Call us now. Our over educated Indian housewives who have nothing better to do, will be happy to talk to you. We have economists, accountants, doctors, diesel mechanics, martial art experts, ex-beaureaucrats and other professional women with a myriad of skills.

These women hail from higher-caste, upper class Indian conservative families and will not go out to work but can talk on phone for hours and hours. If you are lucky enough, you might be priviliged to know an actual godess Sati.

This weeks topics of conversation:
a) Famine and the Third World / Does Amartya Sen have a lisp.
b) Katherine Mayo, the quintessential Indian Woman.
c) Age of Reason and Western Rationalism.
c) How to indoctrinate children/ How little kids are noisy, stubborn bastiges.
d) International Affairs (ah dhang you)

Irish need not call.

Dr. Mrs. Iyengar
"Educated Housewives can not stay at home" - Ancient Indian Feminist (5000 BC).

jaytirth said...

nice post. really funny!

the mad momma said...

ROTFL. Sorry - after this post I didnt think I could come up with anything sufficiently funny so i was plain honest... great post.