Friday, November 30, 2007

Western Culture

Dearest Vaijayanthi and not so dear yet wokay wokay types dear Puppy Manohar,

It is time I let you know this. Be careful of the influence of Western Culture. You will soon grow up and you will come face to face (vis-a-vis?) with such predominantly western ideas as love, freedom, liberty, reason, democracy, anarcho-syndicalism and homosexuality. It is very important that you be wary of imbibing such values no matter how fashionable they may seem.

Our ancestors were great. For the last 4000 years we have fought invaders, resisted colonialism, disobeyed racially superior but karmically inferior races of lighter skin, flushed out pure mlechhas from bharat-varsha, killed rakhsas and married their beautiful consorts, destroyed asuras, tamed mythical beasts of little scientific credibility, invented deadly weapons with clearly fantastic powers and modern correlations.

Our ancestors were great.

And did you ever hear the word LOVE from them? Freedom? Liberty? (boy that word itself is 'gay', speaking of which..) Homosexuality? Mutual Pleasure during sexual intercourse? (which Kama Sutra talks of, a clearly secular and disposable text - A product of Indo-Greek-Gandhar-Let'shavesexbabyculture confluence) No, you did not.

Why? Because you cannot read Sanskrit and as a woman (and dog) you should refrain from that endeavour? NO. Because they never wrote such things.

Such ideas are well-suited for "their" culture of barbarism. It's simple evolution (which our ancestors discovered long back. Guess who doesn't believe?) Their cold climate, non-tropical environment, temperate forests and other such environmental factors have led to development of such values. They are perfect for people who have evolved there. Not us, baby. We are tropical people. The ways of our ancestors alone will lead us to salvation aka Moksha. It's simple science of evolution.

Think about it.

Your Loving Father,
Mr. Iyengar.

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more."
1 800 LOVE
Call us, you clearly are misled.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Python v 2.0

...or how to annoy an unsuspecting halfwit friend person online

[coolbabe_2hot4u has joined the chat]
[IamDaMan2k has joined the chat]
IamDaMan2k: hey wassup?
coolbabe_2hot4u: nt much. hey do i kno u?
IamDaMan2k: n bt id lk 2 no u lol
coolbabe_2hot4u: wat?
IamDaMan2k: n bt id lk 2 no u lol
coolbabe_2hot4u: sry i still cnt understand
IamDaMan2k: no, but id like 2 know u lol
coolbabe_2hot4u: well then y dint u jus say that in the beginning ?
IamDaMan2k: well i thot ud understand... i dint rly expect a Spanish Inquisition
[redCassok has joined the chat]
[crossesnchains has joined the chat]
[tehPopeRox has joined the chat]
redCassok: first, lol
crossesnchains: Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise
coolbabe_2hot4u: wtf?
redCassok: Our two weapons are fear and surprise
redCassok: and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency
redCassok: and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.
redCassok: our 4 weapons...
redCassok: *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise
redCassok: s*** let's do this again
[redCassok has left the chat]
[crossesnchains has left the chat]
[tehPopeRox has left the chat]
coolbabe_2hot4u: wtf?...
IamDaMan2k: i dint rly expect a Spanish Inquisition...
[redCassok has joined the chat]
[crossesnchains has joined the chat]
[tehPopeRox has joined the chat]
redCassok: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!
redCassok: Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency,
redCassok: an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope...
redCassok: ..and nice red uniforms
redCassok: !@#$!
crossesnchains: lol n00b
redCassok: ur gonna haf 2 do it
crossesnchains: ?
redCassok: ur gonna haf 2 do the bit about "our chief weapons are"
crossesnchains: i cnt do tht d00d
redCassok: let's gtfo
[redCassok has left the chat]
[crossesnchains has left the chat]
[tehPopeRox has left the chat]
coolbabe_2hot4u: ok wtf is going on here?
IamDaMan2k: i dint rly expect a Spanish Inquisition...
[redCassok has joined the chat]
[crossesnchains has joined the chat]
[tehPopeRox has joined the chat]
crossesnchains: ... nobody.. errr..
redCassok: expects?
crossesnchains: nobody expects a.. umm... spanish
redCassok: inquisition?
crossesnchains: ya d00d. nobody expects a spanish inquisition. amongst those who do..
redCassok: dud wtf? Our chief weapons are...
crossesnchains: our chief weapons are ... errr..
redCassok: surprise..
crossesnchains: surprise and...
coolbabe_2hot4u: k enuff of dis bullsh** im gone
[coolbabe_2hot4u has left the chat]

Best Regards,

Puppy M and Baby V

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

When I Grow Up...

Dear All,

Baby and I overheard the neighbours having an argument loud discussion while on my daily walk. Below is a transcription:

I want to be sacred, just like the cow.
I know you do, beta, but why, and how?
Why? So people will worship me
And give me stuff and things for free.

But yet, others will kill you and eat your meat,
Or use your skin to wear on their feet.
Ah yes, that part I haven't figured out yet
But I'll come up with a solution, do you want to bet?

But how about people touching and worshipping you like noobs?
And other ape-like creatures pressing your boobs?
You will have to stand in your own faeces.
Hormones injected on a regular basis?

Ah, you're such a pessimist, dad.
I'm sure it's a blast - a lot of fun can be had.
If I get free food and sarees of silk,
What's the harm in giving a little milk?

But that's a very narrow-minded point of view.
Well, son, why be a cow you can be a man and do that too?
You can dress up like a girl and go on dates with boys;
A few years ago even I made that choice.

I like lipstick, sarees and incessant talk;
I like to feel insecure and listen to 80s soft rock.
I am an optimist, I'd look at my own species, rather.
Grow up beta! Be a woman! Like your father.

Gee,dad, you are such an inspiration.
I don't see any gap between our generation(s).
I'm going to go now, and heed your advice.
But first, it's time to make jeera rice.

After that, I'll start to transform
And begin to defy the societal norm.
After all, it's possible in the modern day
For a boy to dress as a girl, and not be gay.

Daddy dear, I see the light now -
I'd rather be a girl, and not a cow.
Why only girl? You can be a stapling machine, though it's tough.
You have to selflessly pin people's things up.

You have to work all day and stare all night,
And always open up (never sit tight).
But there will be an occasional moment of joy so forgotten,
When you'll promptly get to stick to some random chick's bottom.

Or you can be a sailor, a whaler or the captain's sword,
Or a midshipman, overboard.
Wow, dad, that's a lot of choice
But I think I'll be a strange girl who dates strange boys.
And then I'll say "No one understands me."
"Stop your bothering, let me be."

Yes, that's like my boy, now you are thinking,
You don't need me to stop your ship from sinking.
No probs homie, do whatever meets your end.
But, don't forget, I am not only your father - I am also your transgender friend.


Enough of this doggerel. Back to your regular programming.


Puppy M and Baby V

"What about your daughter, do you give a damn?" - Mattias "IA" Ekhlund / Freak Kitchen

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Ode To A Spider

Dear All,

In honour of our new "About Me", we present the following :

An Ode To A Spider - by Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar

Eat little spider eat while you can;
Eat the mosquito that I hold in my hand.
No dear human, that is not my will;
For I only eat that which I kill.

Tell me, dear spider, why should you hunt?
I've killed these insects with my tools, so blunt.
Come, dear spider, come to me; be my pet.
No, dear human, I've not been domesticated yet.

Spidy Spidy, all this just for you,
Although I'm sitting in the toilet and have nothing better to do.
Aren't you worried you will be extinct soon?
Not right now, dear human, only during the afternoon.

Do you want me to sing a song?
Why, my man, do you plan to be here long?
No thanks, actually, finish your job and go
And leave me to eat my mosquito.

Ha! Gotcha there! This one I have killed.
See, it's your ego - everyone wants their stomach filled.
What rubbish sense of pride you portray;
Behind my back you will eat it though it's not your prey.

Alas, dear human, this is where you're mistaken.
Only in your species, your pride you have forsaken.
Pride! Oh, we have plenty. And culture, you can't relate.
And please, I don't have to take lessons from an invertebrate.

Spiders have pride, too, you know.
Take that dead mosquito of yours, just go.
Don't sit there and stare and gape;
I don't need alms from a glorified ape.

Yes, but we have large brains and mouths, to chew.
You merely crawl around the web and search, (ah dhang you).
Besides, than you, I am a thousand times tall.
Shut up, or you see, that magazine will accidentally fall.

Such is the power of humans. And that is why we rule.
So you see children - Kill animals, Burn forests and Consume fuel.

Best Regards,

Baby V and Puppy M

"Only the good die young" - Iron Maiden

Friday, November 16, 2007

Argumentum ad ignorantiam ?? Ghanta.

Take that!!! Farging Bastiges!
Unbelievers will rot in hell.
Dr. Pandit Jataka Kundali (Mrs.)
Don't call us, we will call you. We know the future.
"When you're lying there in my arms, I'm finding hard to believe we're in heaven" - Bryan Adams

Wednesday, November 07, 2007


Dear all,

May the light of progress shine on your dimly lit career.
May the light of knowledge illuminate the darkest regions of your mind.
May all the darkness of disability, lethargy and passivity be destroyed by the light of activity in your life.
May the dullness of despair be forever banished by the light of hope and optimism in your life.

May the light of faith deceive the darkness of godlessness, cynicism and reason (in your life).
May the dusty darkness of financial mediocrity, scarcity, the consequent frugality, be swept away by the purging light of abundance, in your life.
May you be energized, everyday, by the rays of communalism, casteism and narrowmindedness.
May the invigorating light of loyalty strengthen your weak causes, weaken your treacherous motives and cure you of bipartisan ambivalence.

May the bright light of truth keep you blind to logic, counter-arguments, and opposing points of view.
May the wrath of light burn your enemies down with vengeance and torch their infidel hearts so that they never rise again, but are doomed to eternal submission.
May the light of good cheer allow you to laugh at the misfortunes of others who are not as lucky as you.
May the light of scrutiny allow you to find something different about your fellow man (or dog) and help you discriminate against him/her/it.

May the emancipating light of desire free you from the clutches of social confinement and character.
May the light of prompt technical support shine on your malfunctioning appliances and life.
May your dark life enslaved by sin be cured by crackers of joy. (ah dhang you)
May the sweets of Diwali render sweet success to your otherwise dismal performance(s).

May the new dresses of diwali better address (ah dhang you) your shortcomings.
May you crush the demon of piracy and enrich the lives of deserving corporate executives.
May the light of Diwali show you the glory of superstition and old wives' tales.
May the overwhelming light of Diwali blind you to all the miseries of life.

Happy Diwali,

Best wishes,

Puppy Manohar and Baby Vaijayanti

This post is a product of a random creative outburst, a central theme of the blog. If anyone finds this post offensive, do inform us and we will remove it. A reason, though not mandatory, if provided, would be appreciated.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

So Sad

Dear Baby V,

Jammy's cryin'. Maybe you should write him a letter.


Puppy M

"I'm the one the one you love" - DLR/VH

I wanna be Annarchy.

All I want is an Anarcho Syndicalist Society With Immediate Persistent Effect
baby V.
"Business is for cheating and oppressing people" - Adam Smith (paraphrase)