Winter Soldier

I ate a live fish. Something inside me just died.

My father is Polish, my mother is Turpentine. So trust me I am the best piece of furniture you will ever sit on.

Repetitions

A: You have changed, you have.
B: Wait a minute. No, it seems you have. You are the one who is repeating "you have" like they did back in 17th century or something.
A: No you it is you. You do those things you do.
B: See again, you repeated "you do"
A: AAAAh! But this time it was not a redundant repetition. Sometimes you have to repeat words you have to.

And the joke is on ...

I told my friend a joke and he asked me to look up the dictionary for the definition of a joke. It turns out "2. something that is amusing or ridiculous, esp. because of being ludicrously inadequate or a sham; a thing, situation, or person laughed at rather than taken seriously; farce" So technically.....oh! alas.

She said. She said

She said, "No". I asked her, "Is it because I am black?"
She said, "No, its because you are bald"
So I got down from the chair and left the barber shop.

She said, "No". I asked her, "Is it because I am pink?"
She said, "No, its because you are bald"
So I got down from the chair and left the beautician's parlour/ parade.

She said, "No".
I asked her, "Is it because my ancestors are from Africa?"
She said "No, its cause you are bald. But wait, your ancestors are not African"
I said, "At some point they were. But wait, I am not bald".
She said, "Yes but at some point you will be"
So I quit my post as Dwight D. Eisenhower 34th President of the United States

She said, "No". I asked her, "Is it because I am brown?"
She said, "Yes that is it. Thats why"
So I quit being Dan Brown, the shittiest writer of the English Language.

Unclesariah

An uncle once asked me, "Yes barkhuddar, what does your father do?" I told him, "Uncle, he minds his own business. How about you?"

Cha Cha Changes

The bar tender said 5 bucks. I had a tenner so I asked her, "Do you want me instead?". She was visibly flustered. I don't understand- I was only trying to be the change I wanted to see.

Dynamic Religiosity at Run time

Dear Puppy
Today for the first time in my life, I was asked to state my religion. Ofcourse, it was asked by a secular institution which has made it clear that it does not care about religion. The answer however was mandatory.

I wrote XNOR.

There is 1 fundamental principles of relgion XNOR.
1) If you are an X and you consider me an X, then I am an X.
2)

2 fundamental principles of relgion XNOR.
1) If you are an X and you consider me an X, then I am an X.
2) If you are an X and you consider me Y (where X!=Y), then I am not Y.
3)

Amongst the fundamental principles of relgion XNOR are
1) If you are an X and you consider me an X, then I am an X.
2) If you are an X and you consider me Y (where X!=Y), then I am not Y.
3) If I am X. I WILL criticize and deplore X (and only X)
and
4) I do not "believe in X".

and
5)

I am coming again...

So much for Siddharth

Book List

A list of books to be read :

"My Father, The Porcupine" by Pablo Industani
"Coconuts, Rassam and Bullockcarts - an Alternate History of Civilization" by Xida Lalvani
"The Engineer Who Bought a Bowl" - Mandy Karmarkar
"Like A Deflated Tire, The World Is Flat" by Ramesh Ramachandran

"Autobiography of a Swine - Memoirs of Jaggi Thackeral" - Juggy Thackeral
"Eureka Surekha - How I Discovered The Love of My Life" - Suresh Mantri
"Jesus, My Mexican Friend" by Rakesh Mehta
"Denouncing American Idolatry and Other Modern Pagan Practices" by James McArthur III

"Pass - A Quizzer's Tale" by Shankar Gnanam
"Agastya to Simran - A Historian's Look at Crosscultural Ties Between the North and South" - CS Ramachander Guha
"Secrets of Chettinad Cuisine" - Sheila Kapoor
"The Parktown Prawn and Other Pests" - Nelson Mandela

"Might is Right - A History of the Left Handed Peoples of the World" - Naeem Hussain
"Icon-o-caste - An Adventure Through the Indian Caste System" - Bipin Banerjee
"Freedom of XXXPression - A Pornographer's Tale" - Karan Jowhaar
"Paani - A photographic journey of Water" - Vaani Thackersay

"Charudatt - India's Harry Potter of the early 5th century BC" - Nilesh Parthasarthy
"Butane and the Beast - How to Properly Cook Wild Game" by Charles Krishnamurthy
"The Violet Cobra" - Kundan Shah
"Ostentation and Obsequity" - Shoma Ray
"Hamara Desh" by George W Busch

"Might and Mockery" - Soma Ray
"Waiting for Godot Part II - She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain" - Shyam Bhagat
"Dead On Arrival - A Complete Anthology of 80's Power Ballads" - S. Sabari
"Porn OK Please - India's Battle with the Multimillion Dollar Porn Industry" - Shirish Khande

"Standing, Not Stairing - A Beginner's Guide to Elevators" - J. Ibrahim
"The Rise of Sexual Hedonism in 21st Century India" - Shobha De
"Hair Care Guide For Men" - Baal Thakre
"When Squirrels Stand Tall" - John McManaman
"Mi Muhammad Ali Jinnah Boltoy" - M.A.Jinnah

"Indian Muslims: Where Have They Gone Wrong?" - Rafiq Zakharia
"Indian Muslims: Whats wrong with them? Rafiq Zakharia - A critical review" - P.C Mahanoblis
also published under the title
"Whats wrong with Rafiq Zakharia" (preface by Rafiq Zakharia)
"Indians are Black People too, (Not Just White)" - Xida Qutan

"Can You Take Me Higher?" - Abhishek Chaturvedi
"Dalit Emancipation - A Vedantic Solution" - Swami Revisionashram
"Man(U) Smriti - The Rise and Fall of Manchester United" - Dr. John Chanderpaul
"A Case For Slavery" - M Sriram

"Fear of the Dark - How Swarthiness Can Be Turned Into A Boon" - Dr. Shivnarain Khuranna
"Youth and Asia - A Study of Population Reduction and Family Planning in Asia" - Dr. Mercy Zhou
"Why I Killed My Tapeworm, The Hilarious Irreverent Tale of an IITian (Kanpur)" - Jatin Bhagat
"Let My Fingers Do The Talking - An Irreverent and Hilarious Tale of a Chat Conversation Gone Wrong" - Bacchi Batliwaala

"The Ghosht And The Daakus - Tales from Rural India" - Anuradha Chatterjee
"Freedom and Batatawada" - Bachchi Jugaria
"B.O.M.B.A.Y" - Jackie Shroff
"Heidi Klum : A Model For Open Soft-Wear (Illustrated)" - John Spacey

"One Day at the Gateway" - Nikhil Ambani, age 10 (TOI Bestsellers no. 2)
"Composition Note Book (now with additional markups by Latha ma'am)" - Ram Shankar (Class 8 C)
"Tukaram and Socialism" - Shankarrao Chauhan
"The Big Bhangra Theory" - Karamjeet Singh Sodhi

"Why We Hindustanis Will Never Succeed...Ever" also published under the name, "Why Turranis and Persians are Better Than Us" - Muhi ud-din Muhammad Aurangzeb Bahadur Alamgir I
"My Experiments With Opiates" - Nur-ud-din Salim Jahangir , Emperor of India
"Clive Owen Might Be a Hero But He Is Nothing In Front Of Me" - Robert Clive, First Governor General of Bengal
"Masti Aur Main" - Atul Biharee Vajpayee
"Fascism for dummies" - Bal Thackeray.
"Learn to be a Maharashtrian in 24 hours" - Raj Thackeray

"India and I" - William Mandible, a random white guy
"Dalit Panthers Are Not Really Leopards At All!" - Dr. Salim Khan, B.N.H.S
"Karl Marx: A Modern Rishi" - Lala Har Dayal
"What Ails George Fernandes" - Laloo Prasad Yadav

"Brahmins, Do We Need Them?" - Adolf Nambudaripad
"You Can Find Me In Da Club : Tales of a Party-hopper" - Farooq Abdullah
"Noam Was Not Built In A Day : The Exercise Regimen of the Strongest MIT Professor of All Time" - Linda Chomsky
"Bevan Lives" - Autobiography of Michael Bevan

Childrens' Union Against Nagging

Dear Puppy M

I have realized that I keep nagging my parents to get me toys and services. I can not help it. The advertisements get me. They are awesome and the peer pressure pushes me.

I suggest if we children get together and monitor our nagging and collectively and idealogically oppose nagging our parents, then I think we can succeed.

regards
Baby V

A problem

Dear Puppy Manohar

We were posed with this easy problem in class today. According to our teacher it is the hardest problem we will ever face in our lives.

Problem: In a land S, there are 2 sets of people X and Y. All possible socio-economic criteria for the Y people when plotted it is a downward curve. All the possible socio-economic criteria for X is an upward curve.
Q 1) Who is exploiting whom?
Q 2) If individual i is selected at random and if the graph of individual i is upward over the last 3 decades. Which set does i belong to.

According to most of the 5 year old students, this is the simplest question ever and our teacher is a farging fool. What happens to human brains when humans grow up? I do not want to grow up.

regards,
Baby V.

Truth Diggers

Ack: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev_Uph_TLLo

Hobgoblin of little minds

Dear Puppy M

The only conscious irrational belief I have is that rationalism is perhaps evil.

regards,
Baby V

Princess

She asked me to treat her like a princess, so I pulled the chair from underneath her, deposed her, took all her belongings and gave them to the tramps and cried, "Sic semper tyrannis!".

Baba gray sheep, have you any wolf?

Baba was a wolf in sheep's clothing. There, as he stood meditating in the middle of the desert, alone with nobody around, he realized this. There had always been something logically inconsistent about his behaviour that made him feel different. He had always felt there was something about him that was different from others: something strange, something criminal, something horrible. There it was! He had discovered his folly. He was a wolf. All this while, he was living a lie. He was, in fact, not a sheep. He was a wolf: the largest wild member of the Canidae family, a distant relative of Canis lupus familiaris, the domestic dog, canis lupis. Gray wolf. Or simply, a wolf. A predominantly carnivorous, pack animal notorious for its perceived trickery and generally dismal combat ethics. Associated with all that is rapacious, evil and treacherous. A wolf.

Of all the social animals that he could have been whilst dubiously living as a sheep, he had to be the chief predator of his kind (Bugger inni-?). A goat, may be? It would have been much easier, wouldn't it (have been)? May be a deer. Herbivorous, social, amiable to sheep and yet faster and stronger (if it comes to that). But no! Alas! He had to be farging Canis lupis. A dog, perhaps? It's alright if the dog is a carnivore and is essentially an institutionalized instrument of oppression placed by the reactionary, revisionist human farmer. The clueless 's.o.b's that run around the herd of sheep pretending to be "working". He still isn't the primary consumer, as it were, of the sheep. No, he was wolf. In sheep's clothing.

Baba's childhood had been merry. His mother took care of him and his siblings. She brought them food and protected them from predators. All in all, it was a happy childhood. Ignorant of the insecurities of the wild, evils of beasts, he had grown up to be a quite good sheep by ovine standards. But ever since he had undergone puberty, something strange had been happening to him. He was changing. He craved meat. Every fortnight, in the darkness of the new moon's day, he sneaked up on the mob, took them by surprise and hunted the weakest member and devoured it. The attacks by wolves had been frequent. The flock had been plagued by predation; but this was the case as far as everyone could remember. There was nothing unusual about this. Wolves attack. All the rams and ewes had accepted this as a fact of life. In such an environment, Baba's preying went almost unnoticed. No one had the slightest suspicion.

But this time it was different. This time he had messed with the wrong ram. The alpha male. Ram- esh, if you will. This ram was not going to take it lying down. He retaliated and soon a few others - Ram-a chandra, Ram-anujam and Ram-i-manual joined him. They chased Baba away. He ran and he ran. He ran far away. He knew he was alone. He knew the Ram Sena would ram his bowels out of his body. He knew their kind. He had grown up with them. He was afraid. He ran as far as the Black Forrest Desert, where crazy loners of the social animals went to get rid of their herd mentality. No one had returned from the Black Forrest Desert. They said it drove animals crazy. They said you weren't the same after you have been alone in the Black Forrest Desert. Baba had heard stories of the sheep that had been there and had never returned. Baba was alone now in the Black Forest Desert, alone to meditate and to introspect.

Sheep aren't really an introspective kind. They go crazy if they introspect. But Baba was no sheep. He was a wolf. Canis Lupis. The kind of sheep one should never be. The kind of sheep that most sheep wouldn't associate with. The kind of sheep that it was a sin to be, as the wise said. A wolf. Verily enough, the wise were right; sheep are sheep. !wolves ! Ovis aries, yes. Bovid, yes. Fleeced Goat, yes. Wolf, No. No sheep can be a Wolf. But then, Baba was no sheep. He was a wolf. Canis lupis. Gray wolf. The predominantly carnivorous, pack animal notorious for its perceived trickery and generally dismal combat ethics. Associated with all that is rapacious, evil and treacherous. A wolf. That is exactly what occurred to him. That explained the canines he tried to hide by making up every morning. That explained the put on hooves that he was taught to always wear. That explained why he would lose fleece by the lightest movement of air. Because he was a wolf. Not "Beta, you need to eat more legumes" as his mother had him believe. She certainly knew this. Why didn't she tell him? She perhaps convinced herself that her son was no wolf. That's why she was so over protective of him.

Baba decided he was going to face his destiny, go back and tell his flock the reality. He knew they would kill him, but "It's better to be a dead sheep than be a live wolf", he thought. He'd rather die amongst his kind (well not exactly) than live alone in the wild. "I'd rather die amongst my kind (well not exactly) than live alone in the wild", he said. He decided to walk back. With every step, he thought he was approaching certain death. He came near the grazing area. The intimidating territorial markings in Ovine alphabet that read "Pen is mightier than the sword" struck terror in his heart for the first time. All these years as a youngster in Sheep School where he learnt to write that very phrase, he had never imagined he would be on the receiving side of the fleece of fury. The Fleece Department was notorious for its intolerance to terrorism. With the recent rise of attacks by wolves, the Ram Sena, the conservative right wing group had become even more indignant with animal rights. They were also very popular. The sheepish herd mentality of the flock was not helping either. This was it, he thought. They would not spare him. Not a wolf. Ovis aries, yes. Bovid, yes. Fleeced Goat, yes. Wolf, No. They would not spare him.

As he entered the pen, there was rejoicing. A huge uproar of happiness and joy. Standing Ov-ations. After the shocking wolf attack and the daring chase, everyone had assumed that Baba Ram Dev, as they now lovingly called him, had joined the other braves in chasing the wolves and had been martyred in the process. And now what do they see? They see Baba (ah dhang you). They were ecstatic. Everyone flocked around him. Everyone wanted to "be friend-sheep", as they said in Sheep-college, with him. He was being fleecitated every where he went. They offered him lots of Salt and Legumes as was the custom. He decided to forget all about being a wolf. He took a mega bite, cleared his memory and decided to be the good ram he was brought up to be. But he could not help himself. He was a wolf after all. Although with terrible guilt and sorrow, he nevertheless kept hunting every fortnight. He tried to curb himself. Fortnightly became monthly, monthly became yearly. He had decided to be a conscious, individual wolf-sheep. If he had to hunt, he would only hunt once a year. He thought that was the least he could do for the society - reduce his consumption.

One day, while grazing he saw this beautiful she-sheep. He couldn't take his eyes off her. One look at her and his heart cried "Ewwwwwwwe!" She was the most beautiful ewe he had ever met. One thing led to another, and this being a cultured, discreet blog, we can only say that they tied the nuptial knot. They were the happiest couple on the block. He was in love with her. She was in love with him. Now, Baba's conscience started to prick him. He couldn't lie to the sheep he loved the most. He had to tell her the truth. He gathered all the courage in the world and poured out his mind. He told her about how he was a wolf and how he hunted his own kind twice a year. Tears trickled from her eyes. She began to weep inconsolably. Actually, he was able to console her, but she was quite sad. She looked at him and said, "You know something, Arya putra? I am a wolf too". Baba said, "No. Don't say that. You don't have to follow me to hell. That is irrational, religious backwardness. Please don't repress yourself just because you are an ewe". She said (her name was Rita, btw) "No. You don't understand. I am a wolf." "Canis lupis? Gray wolf? The predominantly carnivorous, pack animal notorious for its perceived trickery and generally dismal combat ethics? Associated with all that is rapacious, evil and treacherous? A wolf?". She nodded. "Yes! Canis lupis. Gray wolf. The predominantly carnivorous, pack animal notorious for its perceived trickery and generally dismal combat ethics. Associated with all that is rapacious, evil and treacherous. Typically an apex predator in any ecosystem they occupy. Thriving in temperate forests, deserts, mountains, tundra, taiga, grasslands, and even urban areas. A wolf" They both hugged each other. They rubbed the fleece over each others body and remained static with the shock of what happened. It was a high voltage shock, the kind that fleece is infamous for.

The couple moved on with their lives and did not let this identity crisis undermine their marriage. They hunted only thrice (3 times) a year like an environmentally conscious couple although they felt they were entitled to 4 times. In time, Rita gave birth to this beautiful lamb, a cub. They called him J-cub a.k.a Ya-cub. This changed their lives. Now the safety of their lamb, j-cub became their primary goal in life. Their whole perspective towards life changed. They became more responsible and activist. It soon occurred to them that they had to leave the flock. Their cub perhaps deserved better food and care like the other wolves' kids. They started hunting more and more, all for their child. They were ready to hunt other lambs, which they in fact did, for their own lamb, j-cub until one day they realized it was becoming unconscionable. It was just cruel, bad and wrong. They could not take the misery around them. The mothers cried for the loss of their lambs. The fathers, well, the fathers also felt bad, very bad, obviously. All this took a toll on their conscience and they decided to leave the flock to live with other wolves.

One night, ensuring no one was around they decided to flee. With a heavy heart they bade farewell to their pen. Just then, a wolf attack! A wolf attacked .....

(reader/user exercise. insert an action sequence with colorful language and gratuitous moments of thrill and suspense. This is freaking boring. We have all read such thrilling narratives from better writers. Lets not waste your time and insult your intelligence and lets cut to the chase)

dishum dishum dishum...and...

... They nabbed the wolves. It was Ram-i-Manual, Ram-esh and Ram-chandra. "Ram-i-Manual, Ram-esh and Ram-chandra!", they said, "What are you doing here, dressed as a wolf. You are a sheep. Why are you hunting?". Ram-i-Manual, Ram-esh and Ram-chandra collectively said in a choral lament, "Because, we are wolves! Yes! We are wolves!" "Wolves?!" "Yes! Canis lupis. Gray wolf. The predominantly carnivorous, pack animal notorious for its perceived trickery and generally dismal combat ethics. Associated with all that is rapacious, evil and treacherous. Typically apex predators in any ecosystem they occupy. Thriving in temperate forests, deserts, mountains, tundra, taiga, grasslands, and even urban areas. Wolves"

The five and j-cub turned around and decided to live in the. They thought it was their moral responsibility to prune the flock of its wolves. They decided to start a new colony of wolves away from the flock. They did not want to hurt the herd anymore. Days passed by, and they started checking names off the Fellow-sheep Register, in cahoots with the Registrar who was also a wolf. Soon they realized the whole flock was a herd of wolves. Each one had the same story: Baba, the Rams, Rita, their parents, their parents' parents. They all had the same story. All this while they were all eating their own young whilst simultaneously being eaten by their own guilt.

There were no sheep. There were no other wolves. It was a pack of wolves in sheeps' clothing.

You Clid!

Dear Puppy Manohar

I am very afraid of flying. Technically, I will always be in the same plane with at least 2 terrorists.

Baby V.

Birds of a Feather

Dear Loyal Fans,

We are on twitter.

Here is the link.

Regards,

Puppy M and Baby V

Eye Rack

Dear Baby V,

I have come up with a plan to solve the Iraq problem once and for all. What needs to be done in Iraq? Get the occupying forces out of there? Yes. Get lots of dollars in there? Yes. But the question is, how does one ensure that these dollars end up with the Common Iraqi (tm) and not some greedy bastige corporation like Halliburton (tm) or some other equally Evil Corporation (tm)? The answer is very simple - the WTO needs to grant a patent to the Iraqi People(s) for Writing (tm). You see, in ancient times, the peoples of Sumer developed this handy invention called writing, which became a huge hit around the world. It is argued that the Sumerian cuneiform spurred the development of Egyptian hieroglyphics, which in turn gave rise to the Phoenician alphabet, which is considered to be the proto-alphabet for most modern scripts (except Chinese, but don't get me started on those bastiges).

So ya, using the Modern, Civilized practice of issuing patents for ground-breaking, earth-shattering new developments I'm sure we can retroactively grant a patent on Writing (tm) to the Iraqi peoples. I know you may argue and say that the people living in modern-day Iraq are not the descendants of the Sumerians. This does not matter, because in the Modern World, Intellectual Property is something that can be bought and sold. I would argue that by occupying the land of the Sumerians, the modern-day Iraqis have also acquired their Intellectual Property.

Using this rational, civilized method, every time anything is written down, a modest fee is sent to the people of Iraq. This sends out a message that we value innovators, and recognize their right to profit off their ideas. Surely, such an important innovation as Writing (tm) deserves such recognition.

Regards,

Puppy Manohar

PS: No PS actually. Really. KP GFY. That's all.

The Original Inhabitants of The Punjab

Regards,

PM

PS: Their neighbours are the Bhai-bi-lonians

Celebrity Look Alikes

Regards,

Puppy Manohar (With a little help from Baby V)

"Suppose if I break und shake the physical und mental fitnez of the vitnez?" - TR

Edit: Farging blogger

UnidentifiedFlyingObjectException: The object can not be identified (and is flying)

Dear Puppy M

Always remember:

We must be the UFOs we are looking for.

Baby V.
P.S: "In maaaai life, I loved them all" - Pablo (cover Beatles)

A bunch of monkeys

Dear Puppy Manohar,

I gave a bunch of monkeys a typewriter and this and the following is what they came up with! Now even monkeys can beat us at scrabble

Which brings me to think: what did you ever do?

regards
Baby V.

Link to anagrams

[edit : added link to external anagram list. - PM]

Dr. Babloo Singh Dillon (Mrs)

Liberal

My parents are liberal; they don't mind me going out with guys.

My parents are liberal; they don't mind me wearing western clothes.

My mom is liberal; she has always treated the servants right. She cleans their separate mug (which is slightly broken) herself.

My father is liberal; he might scream at his servants but then he often treats them with food.

My liberal aunt might scream at servants (who happen to be 'lower caste') but every time we cook chicken, we invite them (and give them that in their separate plates).

My family is liberal. We allow the servants to eat in the dining room with us (on the floor).

My grandfather was liberal; he felt very bad when a lower caste person who wanted to sit at the same level as he was slapped by the town goon.

My family is liberal; our servant who cooks food for us is a 'harijan' but we still don't have a problem with it ('Who has the time to cook these days, yaar?').


My family is liberal; they don't have a problem with me having a 'love' marriage, as long as it's a boy from our caste.

My family is liberal; they have told me you can marry anyone you want but not Muzzlem.

My family is liberal; we eat at restaurants even if they serve non-veg items there.

My family is liberal; they don't mind me marrying anyone irrespective of caste and creed as long as they are from a good educated family.


My family is liberal but come on man how can he marry a bai?

My family is liberal; they don't mind me marrying anyone as long as they have a similar cultural upbringing as ours.

My family is liberal but you know, marriage is not just the union of two individuals - it's the congress (ah dhang you) of two families.

My parents are liberal; all my mother's train friends are Maharashtrians.


I'm a liberal girl but I want my guy to dominate me.

I'm a liberal guy but, you know, after having kids it's better that the mother stays at home and takes care of them.

I'm a liberal guy but wtf man, it just sounds cheap when women swear.

I'm a liberal guy; I speak English and just hate it when someone curses in Hindi.

I'm a liberal guy; I feel repelled when someone can not speak good English.


I'm a liberal guy, but come on d00d, mechanical engineering is a man's field.

Our family is liberal but we can't understand why my cousin brother Chotu wants to do fashion design instead of electronics.

My family is liberal. We were always allowed to pursue any line we wanted to: doctor, engineer, architect, lawyer or even bureaucrat. Some families have strict rules about what their kids should be.

My family is liberal; I was always allowed to do anything I wanted ( 'But don't blame me if something goes wrong! It's your responsibility' ).

I'm a liberal guy but d00d that's what, you should treat women like d00d they are different. Use them and throw them.

I'm a liberal guy; I don't think premarital sex is wrong but I can't marry a woman who has had sex before.


I'm a liberal guy; I advocate freedom and democracy in India but Kashmir is strictly a matter of territorial integrity.

I'm a liberal guy but look at how these adivasis live d00d. They are better off living in cities than their poor lifestyle.

I'm a liberal guy. I believe in treating all people with respect. Wait. What? You're from Mizoram? LOL chinky chinky chinky!

My family is liberal; They never brought me up to hate Muslims but I want to destroy Pakistan.

I am liberal but I can't understand why you eat so often at that Pakistani restaurant.

I am liberal but I believe a unified country must have one language. South Indians should learn Hindi (but it should not be forced on them).


I am liberal but I hate people from Delhi; they are big haramis

I am liberal but all said and done people from Bombay have that arrogance about themselves.

South Indian Girls don't wax. I am liberal; I don't have a problem with that.


I am liberal, I have no problem with homosexuality as long as they don't hit on me.

I am liberal, I don't care if a person is gay or straight. It's none of my business (and neither is their persecution).

I'm a liberal Muslim. These a-hole muslims who come from UP, Bihar have made life hell for us. We are Bohris. We are an educated liberal people, descended from Arabs.

Ours is a family of liberal muslims. Islam doesn't say what these fundamentalist muslims (who happen to live in slums and poor villages) are saying. I hate these guys spoiling our name.

I am liberal Muslim, people who talk about Muslim marginalization in India don't represent me. India is a great country and I feel safe in it. Beta, it's 7pm it's not safe for girls to go out now. Ahmedabad is an unsafe place these days

We are liberal Christians but my mother doesn't like me playing Holi. It's actually because the colors are bad for your skin.

My father is very liberal. We are Christians. Liberalism hails from Christianity. Think about it. It's a Judaeo-Christian tradition. It's clearly written in the Old Testament.

We are Christians. We are liberal. We don't have caste system and other such things in our society. Our domestic servant, Mary? Really!!! I didn't know she is from a 'lower caste'!

As a liberal, I was happy when Obama became president. It's great when dividing forces of prejudice and racism are overcome. wtf? Oye kaamwaali, what the hell? You missed a big spot here. Can't you clean properly? Damn domestic help.

I am a Nehruvian Liberal. I don't buy this BJP communal outlook but the spiritual side of Hindu Dharma is clearly the wisest. Vedas say "sarve ni suki nas santu.....". Student: "But sir, doesn't the same text say 'strike those Mofos with vengeance lord Indra' " "That is a metaphor for peace."

Hinduism is a very liberal religion which believes in the equality of the sexes. In fact, you know, women are to be revered. We worship so many Goddesses. That shows our respect for them. WTF Shalini? Where the FARG are the Samosas? Don't you realize we have a guest at home?


I was a liberal, but there is a limit to this Islamic terror. These Muzzlems deserve the treatment they got in Gujarat.

I was a liberal socialist, but the fall of Soviet Union opened my eyes.


Ours is a liberal family. I was born a Brahmin but I was never brought up to observe caste system.

Ours is a liberal family; In spite of the riots my father is in touch with Muslims from work.

We are very liberal but you have to draw a line somewhere or these workers will sit on your head.

I'm liberal but it's obvious if you want to enforce law and order you have to come down strong on these terrorists (referring to muslims residing in slums).

I am liberal and a believer in freedom of speech, but you are a novelist you better write a novel; don't poke your nose in social issues.

My uncle is liberal; he has always wanted a school to be constructed on the Ram Janma Bhoomi. He also wants a school to be constructed over the slums by demolishing them since they are illegal.

I'm liberal but look at them; they live like animals.

I'm liberal but come on man love n all is just gay.

"I'm liberal but you cant apply liberalism to these barbaric people who don't understand common decency" - Capitalist/Marxist/Maoist Intellectual

D00d you don't eat meat and don't drink. What kind of liberal are you?

He is an intrepid, liberal journalist; while at Blitz, he exposed Ms. Naznin's love child's father as the Australian cricketer Dennis Bloom by tactfully procuring the birth certificate from the officials.


My parents are liberal but I don't think they would want their only son to marry a B.Com girl, after all he is a Doctor.

Our daughter is liberal, but she wants someone who is as educated as her or someone better.

My family is liberal but I can't upset them by marrying a Foreigner.

My family is liberal but my husband has to be a North Indian.

My family is liberal; they don't mind me marrying someone who speaks another language but after marriage she has to learn our language. You know, otherwise kids get confused.

My family is liberal, but you know you should be careful before marrying someone from some other linguistic groups, because these girls are pretty 'qattar'. They will talk to their kids in their language and their children end up confused. Look at Chintu (a perfectly normal kid who plays too much cricket and breaks our window panes).

Our daughter is educated, fair and beautiful. We are a liberal, open-minded, well-to-do Brahmin family. We are seeking a tall handsome Computer Engineer who has been brought up with similar values as ours.

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Regards,

Baby V and Puppy M

Urdu Sher Arz Hai

KP Stands (by me)

Old Wine in a New Bottle

Regards,

Puppy Manohar