Monday, December 03, 2007

Another Eulogy, To Another Beast

Dearest KP alias El Kptan,

Happy (belated) Birthday!

This one's for you:

Only a KP can KP be,
For if he were not, he wouldn't be KP.
So let KP be KP, and KP he shall be.
And KP will live by his own rules, naturally.

If KP weren't KP, who would he be?
Not KP cannot be KP. For it is not KP to be Not KP.
There is only one KP, and KP is he.
And only one can there be, thankfully

He prevails over evil and fights for good.
He ensures peace in the neighbourhood.
If you're lost in a forest he'll gather the wood
And share his wisdom, as a good KP should.

If it weren't for KP, Not KP would be. We don't want Not KP, do we?

Once KP became Not KP. We were left without a KP.
Not KP prevailed for thousands and thousands of years
Until KP replaced Not KP. And there was KP everywhere.
We shouted "KP" and sang to KP's glory.
Which brings me to the real question -
What was before KP?
What is KP made of?
Whenst was KP?
Wherest is KP?
Why is KP?
And how is KP?
No seriously, where the f!@#! is KP?
And how the f@#$@ is KP?
What will be after KP?
Perhaps we weren't meant to know.

Only KP knows. Or perhaps KP knows not.

Is KP relative to the frame of reference?
Is KP subjective?
Is KP inside or outside the box?
Would KP pop out of the box "suddenly, unexpectedly" (courtesy TAAQ)
And say, "It's KP!"?
Then we will know that KP was in the box,
And now KP is out.
Is KP made of Papier Mâché ?
Is KP made of anything at all? Or is KP just devoid of anything?
Does KP have his own pronoun?
Is "kp" KP's pronoun?
I, we, you, he, she, it, they and kp.

Only KP knows. Or perhaps KP knows not.

How fast is KP?
Is KP faster than light?
Can KP think faster than a computer?
Does KP think?
Does KP have to think?
Is thought and mental effort relevant to KP?
Does KP have the wisdom of Chacha Choudhary and the strength of Sabu?
Do human mental faculties have corresponding analogues to KP?

Only KP knows. Or perhaps KP knows not.

Is KP?
Are KP?
Will KP?
Does KP?
Won't KP?
Shall KP?
Does KP kp?
Will you KP?
Did you KP today?
I am KP. Are you?
We are all KP.
KP is one.
...and yet KP is many.
Is KP unity in diversity?

Only KP knows. Or perhaps KP knows not.

If KP is added to KP do we get KP?
Is KP transitive?
Anything with KP is KP with anything.
Nothing without KP is KP without nothing.
KP is selectively commutative.
Is KP + H2 -> KPtalic Acid ?
Is KP fat free?
Is KP tax exempt?
Is KP a national holiday?
How many KPs does it take to KP?
Is KP a renewable resource?
Does KP and the control thereof translate to power?
Is KP exothermic or endothermic?

Only KP knows. Or perhaps KP knows not.

How do you measure KP? Can kp be measured?
Is KP flat or round or ellipsoid?
Do the heavens revolve around KP?
Or does KP move like everything else?
Is the 2nd derivative of KP with respect to time, kp ?
How many dimensions does KP have?
Integral of KP dt = ? + KP?
Is KP an imaginary number?
Does time stand still when KP orders it to?
Is KP odorless?
How many states does KP exist in naturally?
Does matter exist in the KP state?

Only KP knows. Or perhaps KP knows not.

What is the capital of KP?
Who governs KP?
Does KP govern KP?
Is KP democratically elected?
Is KP anarcho syndicalistic?
Is KP a supporter of The People?

Only KP knows. Or perhaps KP knows not.

With best wishes,

Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar

"Gimme the beat, boys and free my soul" - M. Williams

[note from Puppy M: Saarang at IIT-M occurs around the last week of Jan. May I suggest this as a piece for the elocution competition?]


Ten Thousand Thundering Typhoons said...

Yes this could be a subject of eloquotion. Pardon my spellings but the culprit is Google. It did not suggest me the right one and to come to think about it, those asshole coders are getting paid to suggest innocent students to fail in their exams. Oh i am sure the ceo of google makes more money than me but i "Open Challenge" him to a game of Spelling Bee just like how Axl Rose challenged Vince Neil. Now i am not saying that i am Axl but i AM saying that Google is Vince Neil.

But after all that, frankly i think the post is too long for an eloquotion piece. Just the italics part would be a good fit.

I am not going to say anything more. I desperately want to but I speak on his behalf so as to say I do represent his highness. Master must keep his identity as being humble, modest, noble and assertive only when one must.

Master has never thanked anyone and strong refuses to accept thanks in any manner except if it involves forni.... Aaaahh! Oh Please lord stop me from thinking such evil! May the lord take one strand of my hair if I ever blabber such nonsense.

Now i must be pardoned. Master has arranged for a small snack with some random girl he helped by lending her a couple of cigarettes. I must buy all the liquor they need to be merry before its too late.

Koko Kola Bear,
18th street Latina

"What if i say i am not like the others" - Foo Fighters

all right i am going to say the "T" word nou



aaaah damn
its fking google again!

Anonymous said...

Kola Kola bear,

If you werent Kobayashi to elKPtan, I would order your nuts to be crushed and fed to you.

Baby V
"What would you say if I sang out of tune?" - Ringo Starr

Anti Nutcracker said...

Yes but you see i am a Koko Kola bear and not a Miller Bear or a Carona Bear. I dont eat nuts. I eat straws and cans and if an avatar of me is sitting in an Indian grocery store, i eat bottles.

By all honesty, i cant really comment on this one but to let people think i am corny it shall be totally worth it.

Okay I am going on air with this one.

Thank You Baby
and Thank your puppy
They call me "the kp"
and you say i cant be
here are some facts
about all of my lacks
i might be reversible

but this eulogy cant be

OR WAIT i've got a better one

On my birthday week:

Traveling expenses : 44 $
Food Expenses : 100 + $
Alcohol and .... : 30 $
Office work : 15 $

Stealing my neighbor's wireless to read this post and actually this whole blog : Priceless

We'll be back after this commercial

This is Hog Hogger reporting from CRAP TV
"Bear who was mistaken for a caveman has eaten 7 kids this week.
Believers are saying it is unbelievable. One of the kids escaped and we had a chance to talk to this survivor.

" Well we thought Mr. Caveman was throwing a birthday party in his "cave" ".

I am sorry but we are running out of time. See you next...
uhhh .. lemme check.. uhh
Well, we'll keep you updated.

KP said...

On my birthday week:

Traveling expenses : 44 $
Food Expenses : 100 + $
Alcohol and .... : 30 $
Office work : 15 $

Stealing my neighbor's wireless to read this post and actually this whole blog : Priceless

Khalnayak said...

I beat Kobayashi last summer
in eating Pav Bhajis

unpredictable said...

Dear ElKP, PM and BV,


" You say it best when you say nothing at all" - Ronan Keating

Kappa said...

Dear Unpredictable,

In all respect among other feelings..Thank You


But I have said so much!!!

"Its only words, and words are all I have"... The same guy

Koko Kola Bear..ElKP
Pwn Monster Truck Driver
1 800 Neverusebrakes